Notices by Max Leibman (maxleibman@beige.party)

Went to see my mastodontist today. He recommended a new toot paste, and encouraged me to FOSS every day.

When one of your direct reports brings up a problem in a meeting, treat them as though they had just volunteered to solve it.

This proactive, solutions-oriented approach ensures that you will soon stop hearing about what’s actually happening in your company.

Follow me for more management tips!

Them: These people swamping online job applications with automation, applying to thousands of jobs, are causing us real problems.

Me: Not having a job is a real problem. Nobody is doing that for lols. Make it easy for people to get hired for good goddamn jobs, or shut the fuck up.

“Oh, jeez, I’m sorry HR dude. I didn’t mean to waste your time with my trying not to starve.”

“Doxxing ICE agents could put their families in harm’s way.”

Letting ICE agents run around with impunity puts *innocent* people’s families in harm’s way.

#DoxACop

Space exploration isn’t wasteful. Letting the worst of humanity do it their way for all the wrong reasons is wasteful.

“That money could be spent on real problems here!” We solve real problems here via science and engineering, both of which are advanced by space exploration.

Nobody is starving because we have a space program. People are starving because we have billionaires.

"I'm sorry, sir, I understand how this could be very frustrating. But here at AT&T, we take your money very seriously. Security. I mean security. We take your security very seriously."

I'm sure that AT&T locking my account, and requiring me to either call them or reset my password—something they have never done in the 16 years I've been a customer—is due to a legitimate security threat and has nothing to do with me canceling two of their services less than 24 hours earlier.

I know it’s totally irrational, but I have this crazy superstition that Friday the 13th is a normal day and bad things are no more or less likely to happen than on any other day.

Weird, I know.

If I’m making a pan of brownies, how much dog shit in batter is too much?

That’s what people talking about “reaching across the aisle” are asking. The compromise position with fascism is still fascism.

Rest is resistance.

Periodic reminder (to myself as much as anyone): you might feel the urge to self-censor today.

You may think of a funny joke, or snap a photo of something beautiful, or want to vent about a minor annoyance at work, or have something you made that you need to show the world.

And you might think about what’s happening in the world, and say, “Ugh, now is not the time.”

Look: post it anyway. You never know who might need the distraction and the uplift of your post. And it might never feel like the right time again.

"'Cause if you liked it, then you should have encryption on it."

–Beyoncé, ''Signal Ladies'

Ariana Grande.

Actually, no, I’m pretty sleepy this morning. Make it an Ariana Venti.

Correlation does not prove causation! One popular example: shark attacks are more likely when ice cream sales are higher.

This relationship does not suggest that ice cream sales somehow cause shark attacks, however. Rather, both are related to some third factor—in this case, the activation of mind-control satellites, which are used both to market ice cream and to control sharks.

When MAGA leaders behave in a destructive or erratic way, resist the temptation to apply mental health–related labels to them. It is unethical to attempt to diagnose them from afar.

In fact, it's unethical to attempt to diagnose them up close, because their problem is fascism, not mental health.

The proper treatment protocol for fascism is, if anything, the opposite of the treatment protocols for mental health conditions.

Me: I want to speak to an attorney.

Them: You aren’t under arrest.

Me: I know. I’m just lonely.

Your opposition to vibe coding is just gatekeeping. Who are you to decide who can or can’t introduce major bugs and security vulnerabilities to production?!

You all have a one-day pass for posting screenshots from Twitter.

(But like @noondlyt said: ALT TEXT, people, alt text.)

It’s unsporting not to kick a fascist when they are down.