Notices by 𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight" (lana@beige.party)

Do you feel liberated yet?

MAGA in November: I can't afford the cost of an egg! This is unacceptable!

MAGA in April: Oh, you lost $90 in your 401k when Trump tanked the stock market? Who cares. Stop worrying. It'll be fine.

If this is your first protest, let me tell you about Them.

They will wear black or dark clothing
They will wear masks
They won't have any visible logos, tattoos, or identifiable markings
They will make suggestions of violence
No one will know who They are
They won't have any friends
They won't hold any signs
They will just show up
They will do crazy things and then look around to see if anyone is interested in joining in
They won't want to be filmed...
You should do it anyway
Film Them
Follow Them
And if you follow Them long enough, you'll see Them get in a cop car

Ok. I'm a teacher. So let me break this down for you into very very simple ideas and numbers.

Let's say you run a sandwich shop. You sell $10 sandwiches. It's a very good sandwich shop. You sell a lot of sandwiches. In fact, I buy a sandwich from you every single day. In a week, I have spent $70 buying sandwiches from you.

Now let's say I am selling my car. You, the owner of the sandwich shop, need a car. I decide to sell you my car for the very very reasonable price of $700.

So here's the situation at the end of a week. You have sold me $70 worth of goods. I have received $70 worth of sandwiches. In return, I have sold you $700 worth of goods, and you have received $700 worth of car.

Any reasonable, rational person would look at that situation and say "that's a fair exchange". Both parties paid an amount of money equal to the value of the goods they now own.

But Trump is not a rational person. What he has decided this means is that you have somehow cheated me out of $630, because $700-$70=$630. Does this make sense? Fuck no. If anything, I got the better part of that deal. I now have $630, plus a belly full of sandwiches.

But it gets even worse. Then, because Trump's a-brain is filled with maggots, he further declares that since $70 divided by $700 is .10, that MUST mean you, the owner of the sandwich shop, have been imposing a 10% sandwich tariff on me the whole time. Does THIS make a lick of sense either? Also fuck no.

But wait, you're going to love this. Trump's "solution" to this is to decree that going forward, all cars I sell you will be marked up a "reciprocal' 10% to $770. He says this will be good for sandwich sales. Does THIS make any goddamn sense either? Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick no it fucking does not.

This entire idea is complete horseshit for what I hope you can now see are a whole raft of very very obvious reasons. Among them:

1. There never was a "sandwich tariff" to reciprocate
2. There is no rational reason for you to buy a car from me ever again
3. This will not affect sandwich sales at all
4. That's not how numbers work
5. That's not how any of this works

Now replace the car seller with America, and the sandwich shop with an island inhabited only by penguins. I wish I was joking.

Let me see if I understand MAGA politics over the last ten years correctly.

THINGS THAT A PRESIDENT SHOULD LOSE HIS JOB OVER:
- Wearing a tan suit
- Awkwardly saluting a Marine while juggling papers and a cup of hot coffee
- Hugging his best friend
- Giving his wife a fist bump
- Existing near a child sometimes

THINGS THAT ARE TOTALLY FINE, ACTUALLY:
- Assaulting the United States Capital building with an armed mob
- Disappearing United States citizens using gangs of armed anonymous goons
- Giving a Nazi salute in front of the United States Seal of the President
- Fucking a prostitute, using campaign funds to cover it up, and lying under oath about it
- Divulging top secret classified military intel over a group text
- Taxing penguins

@feld @wollman

Even that is giving it too much undeserved credence. Sanctions are a political tool. This is not. The mob boss analogy was accurate. This is just a fascist shakedown.

Why the fuck am I the one who has to keep pointing this out to journalists - Trump's tariffs aren't "good economic policy"; and they're not "bad economic policy". Because they're NOT ECONOMIC POLICY.

Trump's tariffs are designed to PUNISH. That's the goal. Then in exchange for loyalty, Trump can carve out exceptions for this university, or that fortune 500 company. And he then gets to look like the hero. Things get a little better for them, while he solidifies his fascist regime.

The goal isn't economics. The goal is FAILURE and FASCISM.

If Elon Musk can afford to burn $25 million dollars just to lose an election, Elon Musk can afford a wealth tax.

At what point do we ask ourselves as a nation whether Elon Musk has a fetish for paying to have women humiliate him in public

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/04/02/republicans-florida-special-wisconsin-supreme-court-midterms-029963

What's the difference between really a dank joint of pot and Elon Musk in his Cybertruck

No one cries when the Cybertruck catches fire

#Cyberjokes

What's the difference between $100,000 of student loans and a burning Cybertruck?

You can get out of debt.

#Cyberjokes

@inthehands

What do you call 10,000 Cybertruck owners barbecued inside their own vehicle?

A good start

@inthehands

Did you know? If you stacked up all the Teslas at the bottom of the ocean

Sorry I lost my train of thought. That was the end of the joke.

What in the performative nonsense fucking bullshit is this

They are disappearing people off the streets with gangs of masked gestapo and throwing them in concentration camps. And Chuck Schumer's strategy is to talk smug about spending cuts for 20 hours?? And it DOESN'T EVEN BLOCK A BILL?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I'm going to need elected Democrats to start giving at least one flying ratfuck about protecting our rapidly disappearing democracy. Our nation is LITERALLY circling the drain and you fucking fucks are worried about performing slightly better in the midterms.

Is this a joke?? Am I being punked?? PLEASE say April Fools. FUCKING PLEASE.

I'm going to cradle your face gently in both my hands when I say this because I need you to hear me.

If only citizens have the right to due process, then nobody has the right to due process.

Because once you're in custody on some trumped up charges, all it takes is for them to say you're not a citizen. And then you don't have the right to due process to prove them wrong. So I'm going to say it again.

If ONLY citizens have due process, then NOBODY has due process.

@arstechnica you know why.

Why wasn't he wearing a suit? Does he even own a suit? Very disrespectful. Has he even once ever said thank you to Greenland?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. JD Vance is like the dog that finally actually caught the car. He never wanted to be in politics in the first place. He's not good at it. He's a terrible negotiator and a worse diplomat. He couldn't find Greenland on a map, with color coded stickers and a giant neon arrow pointing directly at it. He's as stupid as he is vile, and his wife is so over his bullshit she's barely hiding her disdain behind a Reagan era Stepford haircut and enough 8:00 mimosas to tranquilize a giraffe.

But, despite all odds, somehow JD is here now, in a role he is utterly unsuited to, doing things he hates doing, with absolutely none of the skill set required to even approach a level of "barely competent" at doing it.

He caught the car. And now he has no idea what the fuck to do with it.

"What do you do for a living?"

Oh I click buttons.

I click these buttons 🎹 and then sometimes I also click 🖱️ these buttons for a while. Sometimes I have so many 🎹 buttons and 🖱️ buttons to click that I feel physically upset thinking about all the 🖱️🎹 buttons that need to be clicked. And then I click 📳these buttons for a while to destress and take my mind off the other buttons. But sooner or later I have to get back to clicking the 🎹 buttons or the 🖱️ buttons because if I don't click the 🖱️ buttons, people don't get paid. And if I click the 🎹 buttons in the wrong order, people get upset. So I keep clicking the 🖱️🎹 buttons and I get home and I'm so tired. So so tired. But really it's all just buttons... I just click buttons for money.