Notices by Michele Feltman Strider (michelestrider@mastodon.social)

Dear Ladies,

Please have more babies.

You will be awarded $5000 in Trump meme coins to spend on any Trump-approved merchandise you wish. Such as 2 dolls. Or 5 pencils. Or one of those things you carry babies around in.

Please hurry, as Elon needs more bodies for his factories.

Best,
POTUS

Make
Apes
Grape
Again

Things I Would Definitely Do If I Sponsored One of My Small Town's Streetlamps

1. Stand next to it every night in a trench coat and fedora, looking hella shady

2. Replace the bulb with a blacklight and/or disco strobe

3. Reenact that scene in Singin' in the Rain. Too often

4. Yarn bomb the whole damn thing. I miss yarn-bombing

5. Pole dance. No music, except me humming to myself

6. Giant bug zapper

What would you do with your own hometown street lamp?

https://bakersfieldnow.com/news/local/tehachapis-revives-adopt-a-streetlamp-offering-sponsorships-nov-2025-jan-2025-boulevard-green-f-robinson-mill-street-highway-58-corridor-sponsorship-memorial-day-veterans-day

@RnDanger @inthehands @SaltySolomon So, it's more like picking out a really cool book cover to keep your social studies text clean

@inthehands @SaltySolomon Not the point, but did that person really buy a six-figure truck and decorate it in stickers like a kid's Trapper Keeper?

Hablamos espanol ahora, y'all.

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/02/28/trump-english-official-language-order.html

@QasimRashid American students have a fun new game to play: School shooter or ICE raid

I've lived many places and, often, people assume that Alabama was the worst. Or Georgia. Maybe Florida.

Sadly, no*.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Oklahoma.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jan/10/tulsa-race-massacre-report-doj

*I've got stories, tho

We're all going to bed early tonight because 2025 is going to require a lot of energy

I found a clean, free restroom in downtown LA.

I AM A GOLDEN GOD

There is no SantaCon in my tiny town. Should I put on a Santa suit, get drunk on Natty Light, and punch a goat? You know, in the spirit of things?

The wanting of the cup of tea, the making of the cup of tea, and the unfathomable gulf of effort between them

When visiting relatives this holiday season, it is helpful to remember the following:

1. Jesus died to protect the Second Amendment
2. Elon invented everything good in the world
3. Wrestling is real
4. The entirety of Gen alpha are trans furries
5. Brown people are illegal
6. Donald Trump is smart

The shooter can be problematic AND the victim can be problematic.

One doesn't cancel the other.

It means that we have many profound problems in our society (for-profit heath care, the lack of gun control, little access to mental health services, toxic rhetoric, etc) and sometimes they intersect.

Live your life such that no one is tempted to give the NYTimes your mom's emails

News story: People without college degrees vote against their own best interests

News story: People with college degrees are drowning in student loan debt.

These are the same story.

Dems: Let's give everyone 2 years of community college for free, as a way of strengthening our workforce

GOP: Teach them to think? I think not.

OK, see, once upon a time, I wrote a book featuring a character named John Anders Erickson. He was a writer.

Then I decided to take it all a little too far and write the books he wrote in the novel.

These are they.

If you're into that kind of thing.

https://www.amazon.com/stores/John-Anders-Erickson/author/B0982KX1HM?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1711492473&sr=1-1&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

Dear Beyonce and Taylor Swift,

I know you are not on this platform and will never see this, but I'm stressed and angry and indulging in a little cathartic fantasy.

Wouldn't it be brilliant if there was a free concert in DC featuring powerful women, on, I dunno, say, the afternoon of January 20? One where a record-setting number of people could attend to celebrate liberty and diversity and provide a positive counterpoint to the current narrative? And drive the orange guy nuts?

Best,
Me

Them: Fear DEI!

Me: Fear Opus Dei!