Notices by Logan Five (John, he/him) (loganfive@beige.party), page 4

Based on which of my toots have taken off, I've concluded that the Fediverse:
- has poor posture,
- has a bad back,
- procrastinates regularly,
- may have ADHD, and
- is ready to overthrow the patriarchal corporatocracy.

Screaming back and forth with the Endless Screaming bot is better than most forms of therapy.

@ElleGray
Wait, I'm in a rodeo?

Apparently if I don't gorge on chocolate every night I lose weight and, frankly, I'd rather have not known.

OK, we need a name for one of our plants. Any suggestions?

We already have Stevie B and Ross the Moss.

Most people don't know that I auditioned for Reservoir Dogs. But then I found out there were no dogs in it. Pass.

#BeRuffaloDay
#HashtagGames

I was watching Predator last night so I thought I’d make a meme using the Predator handclasp.

In your 40s you get Schrödinger’s Back, where it hurts because you moved it too much and also not enough.

Does anyone else have a hobby of buying domain names and then doing nothing with them? For like years? Just me?

Please read my online article about how writing online articles doesn't pay enough. Also, if you have a spare sandwich, I wouldn’t turn it down.

*Life Hack*
Save time and money by not watering your dead plants anymore.

Going to the dentist feels a lot like going to confession.

"Forgive me, Dentist, for I have sinned. It’s been 6 months since I last flossed."

Them: What’s it like working in Higher Ed?
Me: *shares email*

"Mom, what is your WiFi passcode?"

*She opens up a hard cover address book and it’s like we’re trying to solve the DaVinci Code.*

@mentallyalex You did a great job and gave a wonderful speech!

It was the only time I ran one of those. I should probably try another one. It really was an interesting lesson in how different descriptions can be from person to person, and it opened my eyes to different ways to write alt text.

Do you think the people wearing camouflage know that no one is looking for them?

Job interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume?

Me: That’s when Jesus carried me.

@nellie_m
Are you on a screenreader?
I wonder what this would sound like?
"Arrow down, arrow down, arrow down, arrow down, arrow down...boobs."

You're probably right.

I fear this one may make people unfollow me. 😊

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Boobs.