I'd be willing to consider the possibility of crypto being some kind of clever switcheroo if someone could explain to me how it helps them.

So far the only explanation I've ever seen is that it's to soften people up for digital cash, but they were already doing that with credit cards, and it's already working. They don't need crypto for that.

Crypto only has disadvantages for them. It's highly resistant to their usual methods of control like courts and unbanking. I don't get why they'd give us such a useful weapon.