@anemone @creamqueen @teratology @meso @mia OK, now you're sneaking a distinction in there. You're making a blanket statement that corporal punishment is necessarily narcissistc and based on the parents' emotional needs rather than the kid's. I argue that this overly gentle, ineffective parenting style is ALSO narcissistic and based on the emotions of the parents, but in this case them being unable to do what's actually necessary.

I'm not saying you HAVE to beat your kids. Just never unilaterally take it off the table if you don't even know what your own kid is like yet. Or what it's like to deal with a kid like that. Every human has limits, and kids are experts at pushing against them, to the greatest extent possible. At some point you just aren't capable of being both firm, consistent, and gentle anymore. You're arrogantly assuming your kindness and motherliness is so all-encompassing, so all-loving, it can defeat any tantrum. That may be true for some people, but you have limits, you have stress, you have a job, if you're responsible you have a husband (sorry I'm a traditionalist... I'm not categorically against gays adopting, I just need to see a lot more evidence of how kids so-raised turn out) to help you and you have your relationship with your spouse (ok fine I'll give you this one concession) to consider as well. Can you sacrifice your relationship with them if that's what the kid's behavior demands of you?