Another time, I'm driving through Missouri. I stop for breakfast and have some coffee, which results in explosive diarrhea, because Missouri.

So anyway, I'm driving and have to shit. I pull off an overpass and there's a homeless guy standing there with a gash across his face — from him ear to his mouth — with blood dripping down like a slow waterfall.

I look, and he makes eye contact.

So I pull into this gas station / diner. It's not paved. 3/4" ag only. Sheriff' s car is parked at the diner. Wife runs in first. I step out of my car, homeless dude is right there.

He asks me for a ride. I was certain that sheriff was his brother and I was about to end up in some redneck fuck dungeon.

I said, I don't have any seats.

He pointed at my wife's seat and started accusing me of being a liar.

I told him, that's my wife's seat. Here take this and get the fuck out of her *harder him $20*

I figured that a homeless guy with an 8 inch bloody gash who's willing to start shit in the middle of a rural gas station when the sheriff is there ain't got much to lose, so if he was willing to leave for some coin, all the better. I ain't got time for trouble I'm Missouri, especially since I'm not a local.