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@NoDoxGregBrady @Paleface @AmericanChampion @DailyStormerDigest That part actually works against us a lot.
The amount of dudes I come across and we tell them the stats on marriages, and the birth rates and all that and they just chuckle and go "Well I'm married with kids so I don't know what you're talking about."
They can't work out that there's a future their children have to live in, and their children's children etc.
I swear they are sub-par low IQ fucking cattle sometimes.
These are the guys these women "settled" for because they were of no real moment.
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@Paleface @thefinn @AmericanChampion @DailyStormerDigest >where all you can really do is talk
The irony is how much better things are now that we know we're not horrifyingly isolated and insane. Other men are out there noticing the same things.
Maybe it's that we've engendered a subtle cowardice. We aren't "risking our lives" by speaking our minds, which projects internally onto everything else we do.
Trying to speak against the entire unified apparatus of Clownworld is complex and prone to failure. Easier just to keep working at the job and not voice your opinion.
It wasn't always like this. It can change back. But Average Joe has no idea how to do it, and knows he's better-than-average if he has a wife and children and normalcy.
That's the complexity.
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@DailyStormerDigest @AmericanChampion To take control of your relationship, do subtle things that seem like you are being nice.
Ring a babysitter, make reservations if necessary, take your wife to dinner.
Don't tell her until 5pm on friday.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Naa, we're eating out, put on a dress."
"I'm really tired though I just worked all week."
"You'll survive, and I've already arranged the babysitter and reservations."
Get to restaurant.
Order for her.
"Isn't this better than *whatever crap you were going to eat in front of the TV* ?"
What can she say?
Start taking charge. Stop asking permission for everything.
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It's crazy how many men today don't understand that men's real psychological needs cannot be met by talk but only by action. Comes in big part from the effects of internet addiction, where all you can really do is talk, I'd guess.
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@AmericanChampion @thefinn It doesn't have to be a blunt statement. Just a "hey, let's talk at some point", and at that talk, just note that they've drifted apart from focusing at all on fulfilling each other's emotional needs for the sake of always focusing on their family's needs. Note that no one did anything wrong, but it's important to raise the needs of the couple from its current 0% devotion to something above 0%.
This entire situation doesn't need to be a big deal or a marriage ender. It just requires some communication and effort. If there is any knock on this guy, it's that he's apparently jumped straight into thinking it's hopeless, and the only solution is to end the marriage. That's a self-fulfilling prophecy, if he allows it to be ("women are awful and will leave a Tom Brady because he wanted to play one more season of football" counterpoint notwithstanding).
Maybe his wife is, in fact, awful, and the situation is hopeless. He won't find out unless he actually talks to her. If she doesn't give a shit and blows it off, that's an indication that yes, the situation is not salvageable. They are far away from that point because literally nothing has been said between them.
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@DailyStormerDigest @AmericanChampion It's not even this imo.
Even this is kind of "not taking charge" in a lot of ways.
This is like making an appointment to maybe talk about things.
Start taking charge of the relationship instead of being so passive and letting her not asking how you are bother you.
Like if you're on top of your shit she shouldn't have any real reason to ask how you are. You are in charge of her, you should be asking if she's ok.
Like a passenger in the car.
It sounds like she's driving though.
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@thefinn On the one hand, this guy has it way better than probably most of his peers, many of them being incels with few prospects at having a family, and maybe others with kid situations that didn't work out as planned.
On the other hand, tossing aside all the mostly justifiable discussion about men needing to be strong and not cry or talk about their feelings, men have needs in relationships the same as women do, and for the union to work at all, both sides have to be hearing out each other's needs and trying to meet them, when reasonable.
I'd say the nutting up he needs to do is just level with his wife. Either she'll hear him out and see the ask as reasonable (i.e. "my emotional needs aren't being met, nobody's fault, it's just life, but how can we improve that together?"), or she'll blow him off and give further justification for him wanting out. But at least she'll have been given some agency in the matter, and he won't be left wondering "what if?" anymore.
I guess I don't view the "shut up and bear it" thing as much of a duty for men at this point, when that's pretty much all society gives them as a response to any grievance, particularly for white men. That'll work fine for awhile until dudes snap and do something bad. Better to just admit we have needs too, and it's ok to voice them.
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@DailyStormerDigest @thefinn I don't think he should "level with" his wife. That's not really how relationships work, and it'd make both of them miserable. He should fix the problem, but a therapy-speak conversation beginning with a blunt statement that would horrify her isn't the way to go.
Could stand to initiate affection more often, which I think must be the big problem. Probably carve out some of his doomscrolling reddit time to go to the gym or pick up a fulfilling hobby, as well.
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@thefinn At the very least, the time has come for him to voice what he's feeling. He himself said she still trusts him and thinks they're ok. He has to tell her otherwise, so they can work together to fix it. Give her the opportunity to be present and hearing of his needs, alt-Right memes about the awfulness of women notwithstanding. The problem cannot possibly get fixed if it's not voiced.
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@DailyStormerDigest As a couple of others have mentioned, it's a very feminized view to post this on the net.
A lot of men seem to have this kind of life. *shrug*
You're not supposed to be having all these emotions about it, it's just life.
The fact he's also not mentioning it is a bit of an issue yeah.
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