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how to get over the feeling you're bothering people by messaging them so you never message them so you start growing apart and eventually you're not really friends anymore
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@Tsuki just dont care if you bother them by messaging
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@Tsuki that's how i got someone to reveal his true colors, although it's a matter of just how little shame you'll feel on the next day
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yeah I should get really drunk and spill everything one day
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Is this real or just an ironic fantasy fedi problem?
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@Tsuki good question, let me know when you have the answer
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Ok so just as an observation it seems like low self esteem + being overly concerned with what ppl think of you and also autism + not understanding social cues.
So basically the answer to this problem is learning to interpret social cues. The two main things are how long they're taking to respond (they could just be busy) and if they're actually engaging and interested in what you have to say (more important even if they take a long time to respond).
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i don't think many women experience this type of thing. they probably tend to be on the opposite end
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I would stop worrying about it and be yourself, but then use that as guidance on how to not be overbearing.
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i appreciate the thoughtful response
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@Tsuki that will be $149 for the therapy
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this would probably solve many problems
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@Tsuki just stop caring
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That could go very wrong for ppl with poor social intelligence
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I mean yeah all of your social interaction shouldn't be on the internet, you need to find irl friends
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@Tsuki I used to chat with people from the Internet whom I met by chance. I usually be a kind person, always telling people to give me feedback if something is wrong at my side, so I can control my behavior next time. Almost like giving people the person I want to meet and truly keep forever. Unfortunately, one day I get bored of everything around me quite quickly, go psychotic and drop all relationships. My little thought-observation tells me that the usual reason I'm excuse with is that "I don't want to depend on someone, and I don't want someone to depend on me", which is probably just one of the reasons why I'm leaving from everyone after few months of chat. It's either parasocial relationships where you don't get "enough" attention, or someone else gives "too much" of the same attention. Quite ironic that you need a golden middle in this case, which is hard to achieve.
Oh and if we speak about friends, this part is sick too. I still don't know what a "friend" is, so I don't want to call someone by this word. Sounds like "if we don't actively talk and meet IRL".
Relationship sucks because it's responsibility you obligated to carry and can't avoid because humans by nature are social creatures and they need this for personality development. Now I wonder if my personality is also stuck...
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Hm I wonder if this is typically related to upbringing, a lot of things definitely are.
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@Tsuki @cassidyclown @bot Typically these feelings of bothering others when you text them comes from your relationship with your parents (though I don't know you or your parent's relationship, this might not include you.) Symptoms of you having this relationship with your parents include - not being able to talk with them or communicate serious things in your life. Feelings of being 'on your own' (lack of guidance.) There are other words that can be used to describe how you're feeling about not wanting to reach out - low self-esteem, burdensome (this is a reflection of how one of your parents view you most likely). If you want to fix this issue you will need to address yourself, whatever your relationship that made you feel this way and reconceptualize how you view relationships. If this doesn't apply you can ignore this post
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@vertka @Tsuki this going psychotic sounds a little concerning, what does it usually entail? Just looking for a new friend group?