@Tsuki I used to chat with people from the Internet whom I met by chance. I usually be a kind person, always telling people to give me feedback if something is wrong at my side, so I can control my behavior next time. Almost like giving people the person I want to meet and truly keep forever. Unfortunately, one day I get bored of everything around me quite quickly, go psychotic and drop all relationships. My little thought-observation tells me that the usual reason I'm excuse with is that "I don't want to depend on someone, and I don't want someone to depend on me", which is probably just one of the reasons why I'm leaving from everyone after few months of chat. It's either parasocial relationships where you don't get "enough" attention, or someone else gives "too much" of the same attention. Quite ironic that you need a golden middle in this case, which is hard to achieve.

Oh and if we speak about friends, this part is sick too. I still don't know what a "friend" is, so I don't want to call someone by this word. Sounds like "if we don't actively talk and meet IRL".

Relationship sucks because it's responsibility you obligated to carry and can't avoid because humans by nature are social creatures and they need this for personality development. Now I wonder if my personality is also stuck...