I notice several times a day where your chat on conversations.im chokes up, delays messages, and so on; so it's not just them, I'm sure it's the server (probably dealing with varying denial of service). That's why I strongly advocate starting chatrooms on smaller servers, dispersed out.
I warned you against registering on a mega-server, meanwhile how many interruptions have you had on any of my servers? You're just using the same normie logic as registering on mastodon.social, and then concluding everything else is crap.
@arcanicanis How much memory Prosody / ejabberd require? I may consider this option, though registering on someone else's server would be better for me. Also I don't mind furries.
It may be practical to just set up a server for yourself, as it tends to be lower-maintenance running a Prosody or ejabberd server, which usually has minor updates once every few +6 months or so (and typically nothing critical, like severe security issues). I should probably get around to updating/finishing my guide ( https://arcanican.is/guides/prosody.php ), since pulling in external repo shouldn't be as needed now (in Debian 12, soon Ubuntu 24.04, Fedora 39, etc)
In so far, I don't know of many fedi-adjacent XMPP servers (other than a handful neighbor servers that are predominantly 'furry' tilt, which I assume might not be an adequate fit).
For clients, it's generally 'Conversations' for Android users, Monal IM for iOS users, Gajim for desktop (with Dino as a newer option), and Movim (but I recommend self-hosting it, since it holds your login info on the server, most of the logic is server-side) for a Progresive Web App
Right now on a Prosody server I have, with the daemon process running for 127 days straight, with 5 local users, +8 remote users, 9 connected servers is running at 161MB memory used.
For ejabberd, running for over 3 weeks (after restarting for changes for Matrix bridging), 6 local users, (I don't have the other metrics readily accessible) is running at 115MB memory used.
I do host were.chat, which is registration-by-invite (solely to reduce automated registration and bots), have the domain registered until at least year 2029, have active uptime monitoring and notification, and I tend to keep a deathgrip on keeping things online perpetually, even past their usefulness (such as keeping a forum online for 2 decades now, when it died in activity like a decade ago; and it's shifting into being hosted for preservation/archival sake at this point), so it's exceptionally unlikely that anything I run is going to just disappear.