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   💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷 (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:26:35 JST 💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷

   For autistic people... all relationships are inherently transactional.

   We are required by others to provide value to the relationship to offset their discomfort. Unless we can perfectly conform to their idea of how we should be and are able to mask away every part of us that doesn't align with that.

   To be autistic to forever be a lone wolf. Never able to truly integrate into groups and always having a wall between you and everyone else.

   You can never feel secure in a relationship because you're always terrified of not being seen as 'worth it' of not being enough anymore.

   • Embed this notice
     💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷 (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:28:49 JST 💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷

     in reply to

     • Efi (nap pet) 🦊💤

     @efi You can give it but you'll never really get it back. not ever.

   • Embed this notice
     Efi (nap pet) 🦊💤 (efi@chitter.xyz)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:28:50 JST Efi (nap pet) 🦊💤

     in reply to

     @Rasp nah, fam, you can let go and love unconditionally, it's possible, it takes work, but it's doable
     easier than laundry, even

   • Embed this notice
     💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷 (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:31:28 JST 💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷

     in reply to

     • nadja

     @dequbed that has a recipe to be even worse as your issues bounce off each other and spiral out of control.

   • Embed this notice
     nadja (dequbed@mastodon.chaosfield.at)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:31:30 JST nadja

     in reply to

     @Rasp or you can date another autistic person. That keeps their and frankly your (you are worth just as much as your partner) discomfort down as much as possible and will allow you to not be forced to mask all the time :)

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     💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷 (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:54:43 JST 💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷

     in reply to

     • nadja

     @dequbed It doesn't take two it just takes ONE of them to make the relationship not work

   • Embed this notice
     nadja (dequbed@mastodon.chaosfield.at)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 00:54:44 JST nadja

     in reply to

     @Rasp That can only happen if you have two partners that refuse to accept their specialities and insist on fighting themselves instead of trying to figure out how to respect each other's needs.
     And that, honestly, starts with not treating them as "issues". An autistic person is not worse or less able than a neurotypical one for having different needs. And mutual respect dictates that both try to figure out what needs their partner has and help them to keep them satisfied.

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     💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷 (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:39:18 JST 💜 AdoraBeryl 🩷

     in reply to

     • nadja

     @dequbed This doesn't feel like a relationship either. This feels like more like a roommate situation

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     nadja (dequbed@mastodon.chaosfield.at)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:39:19 JST nadja

     in reply to

     @Rasp an autistic co-dependent relationship is no more or less toxic than an allistic one, because the problem is the codependence. That's why I said "fight themselves" not "each other". Both partners need to accept themselves and their needs first so that the other person can given them the space to fulfill them. There is no need for one to "handle" the other's needs, there is only need for one to give their partner enough space to breathe and live in. But you need to accept your needs first.