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When I go a day without taking anti psychotics I feel like talking and start feeling emotions again more profoundly. I feel like the spark in me ignites again. The problem is when I go a couple of months without them and they are completely out of blood that the problems start so not going to ever try that experiment again. Last time I tried that I had a 6 year psychosis with extreme delusions and total delirium during the entire 6 years.
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The question you have to ask yourself is death while you're still alive better than psychosis. When you are functional enough I highly recommend a book called, "A Beautiful Mind" by Sylvia Nasar. It documents the mental journey of John Nash, a brilliant mathematicians struggle with psychosis. He learned to recognize the delusions and hallucinations and get them under control without drugs, went on to win the Nobel prize for his mathematical modeling and understanding of economics. There are a handful of psychiatrists that have come to at least a partial understanding of the methods he developed individually and have had at least partial success at helping patients apply them. With Nash, his mathematical brilliance went away when under the influence of anti-psychotics and hence he had a strong motivation for finding another way.
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@dicey I have not dealt with psychosis personally other than self induced via hallucinogenics on a few occasions, but I have dealt with severe anxiety and depression over a period of several decades which ultimately lead to some tragic actions on my part and over those twenty five years I was on SSRI's or NSRI's pretty much the whole time and to the degree they dulled anxiety they dulled the ability to feel anything at all. I finally learned a form of meditation broadly called Mindfulness meditation and within a month of starting to practice I dropped the SSRI's I was on cold turkey against the advice of my doctor and haven't had significant issues with either anxiety or depression in the 13 years since. Obviously, your issues and the solution is different than mine but similar to Mr. Nash's though in his case his big issue was that the meds extinguished the creative spark and his ability to work and earn a living rather than just emotional deadness, but the emotional deadness is certainly something I can associate with. I wish he would speak more on how he overcame his functionality in spite of his illness.
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Yes exactly. I have a total lack of emphatic sensory feelings when on meds. You need to feel with people. That's the worse part of anti psychotics the inability to connect on a deeper emotional level.
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@dicey BTW, there is a movie by the same title but the film is not accurate, the directory took liberty with the truth and portrayed him as if he was still on drugs but in fact he lived more than three decades as a functional professor without them afterwards.
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I would stop them on the day and try to handle my symptoms by using my mind which I think I matured enough for. But sadly it's not up to me alone. I have family that have suffered me during their life and me quitting meds would be the greatest betrayal I could do to them due to the painful memories. I couldn't bare even saying it to them. You have to consider the amount of trauma and post traumatic stress they have from that period.
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I wonder what extreme delusions and total delirium are like.
dicey
nanook
Fediverse Contractor
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