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   Chris Trottier (atomicpoet@calckey.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 05:47:47 JST Chris Trottier

   Maybe it’s due to being autistic but I have no idea how others perceive me.
   
   For three years of my life on the Fediverse, I pretty much just talked to myself and was content with that. I would say whatever and it wouldn’t matter because nobody was reading anything anyway.
   
   When someone responded to one of my posts, it was usually spam. When it was actually someone real talking to me, it was like speaking to a unicorn.
   
   Then one day, people started talking back. And what’s more they gave a damn about my opinions. For what reason, I don’t know. They just did.
   
   Because some people talked to me, more people started talking to me. And everything started carrying more weight.
   
   The moment I realized that I crossed the precipice of influence was when, one day, I typed some Unicode into a post.
   
   This got lots of accessibility advocates angry. They were specifically angry because I was deemed an “influential” account. So I cut it out and haven’t posted any Unicode that way ever since.
   
   Because of this, I have become more and more careful about what I post on this account. For example, I used to talk about my personal life. Things that I thought were innocuous upset people. One particular time, I said that my daughter and I listen to vinyl every day. That post got lots of blowback, and so I’ve stopped sharing stuff like that.
   
   Sometimes people assign motivations where there is none. Recently, people have suddenly assumed I have something against #FediPact. This is not the case, and though I have not joined FediPact, I sympathize—and have even set up notmeta.social as a #Calckey server that pre-emptively defederates Meta.
   
   Constantly, I get messages asking if I have something against this person or that service. And almost always, it’s never. If you think I do, talk to me directly, and I’m happy to iron out any misunderstandings.
   
   In my actual life, I do my best to avoid conflict—to the point it annoys people. If I genuinely don’t like someone, I don’t argue with them. I make it impossible for them to contact me.
   
   If you can contact me, it means that I probably like you.

   • Embed this notice
     simsa03 (simsa03@gnusocial.jp)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 05:54:11 JST simsa03

     in reply to
     Perhaps you're not autistic and one day people marvellously started talking to you and created a snow ball effect... Perhaps they began talking to you because they felt that you sound honest and transparent, without a vibe of hidden agenda or smoldering anger.
   • Embed this notice
     Chris Trottier (atomicpoet@calckey.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:02:36 JST Chris Trottier

     in reply to

     • simsa03

     @simsa03@gnusocial.jp No, I am autistic. I found out when my daughter was diagnosed, and I was surprised because my daughter’s behaviour mirrors my own.
     
     I live a very regimented life according to a very particular schedule and I get annoyed when I’m taken out of that routine.
     
     I have intense special interests that I’m laser focused upon to the point it becomes my life.
     
     I have always stimmed, and still stim, to the point it becomes a distraction to others.
     
     People think I’m personal, empathetic, and good at communication but these are all learned skills and do not come naturally.
     
     Many people on the spectrum know I’m on the spectrum, even though denied being on the spectrum because I didn’t want to think about myself in those terms.
     
     Autistic people are not uniform and they don’t always act according to a template.

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     webhat (webhat@infosec.exchange)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:33:27 JST webhat

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet thanks for sharing and following. I too spend my time not knowing how others perceive me. I've found, like you, things I deemed throw away statements carry far more weight with others.

     People have all their own triggers for posting, I just don't let mine be anger. I prefer to be giving. And that's what I see from you too.

     Thanks ☺️

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     wb x64 (wilbr@glitch.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:49:12 JST wb x64

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet I hate conflict too, it makes me shake and hyperventilate, but I've also seen how my loved ones rely on me to actively take a stand alongside them in order to keep them safe. My love for them has to outweigh my fear of conflict, and I need to exercise that muscle often in order to keep it tuned.

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     wb x64 (wilbr@glitch.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:49:13 JST wb x64

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet I feel this in my bones, but just be aware that avoiding all conflict is a great way to find yourself paired up with the worst people. A total lack of conflict very often means maintenance of the status quo and capitulation to whoever's more charming and powerful, which in an unjust world very often means siding with giant corporations and genocidal colonizers. Vulnerable people can't assume anyone supports them, it takes active advocacy to make that known.

   • Embed this notice
     Chris Trottier (atomicpoet@calckey.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 07:06:34 JST Chris Trottier

     in reply to

     • wb x64

     @wilbr@glitch.social I have separated that out with atomicpoet.org. It was made specifically so I can talk about other stuff. But that’s also become a different kettle of fish.

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     wb x64 (wilbr@glitch.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 07:06:36 JST wb x64

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet you're perceived as an admin of a 2000-person instance named after a major piece of social software with 16,000 followers, everything you do under that mantle reflects on and is distributed to all those people. Even if all you did was post photos of what beer you drank, this would be known as the place that does that, if you're an admin you're in a leadership role with responsibility. If your words spread that far, you have power. If you want to separate that out, then separate it.

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     webhat (webhat@infosec.exchange)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 07:10:00 JST webhat

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet as I sent this message, I received this message. 🥰

     https://umwelt.party/@Gary_Host/110612640431482629

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     Elliot (elliot@social.lgm.ltd)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 07:10:16 JST Elliot

     in reply to

     @atomicpoet maybe not knowing how others perceive you is your power? It allows you to be authentic without fear?

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     Runyan50 (runyan50@newsie.social)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 09:04:45 JST Runyan50

     in reply to

     • Mesha

     @atomicpoet @ThisPlaceAgain You just seem brutally honest to me.

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