Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 9

Why didn't anyone tell me you're supposed to boil the eggs before dying them and hiding them all around the neighborhood?

@LoganFive JoWordle died for our sins.

@JoParkerBear

Who says romance is dead?

Please be Quaaludes.

When I first created my mastodon account, I was like "Alice, you can only post 'good' jokes" and at some point my standards degraded to the point where I’m regularly posting about stuff like toe rings and republicans jizzing on magazines and I’m honestly having way more fun this way so you're going to need to accept me as I am, okay?

Past me: Makes fun of my grandma for buying a lot of "as seen on TV" crap.

Current me: Clicks "add to cart" on anything that appears in a targeted ad on the internet.

You didn't actually survive that near-miss or accident or near-death experience; you're just living in the alternate reality where you *think* you got lucky and are still alive.

How much back would a humpback hump if a humpback could hump back?

https://newsnationnow.com/science/humpback-whale-sex-both-male

There was a span of time when it seemed like every kid was named something like Jaxyn or Brynleigh but I haven't seen those types of names in a little while so my best guess is that they all died doing dumb TikTok challenges.

Wendy's is introducing surge pricing? Next thing you know they'll be taking away the SuperBar!

Friendly advice: Many Mastodon apps don’t support html/markup at this time so posts may look good on your end, but like a messy block of text/code for others.

It's my recommendation to not use these features until they're more universally supported.

Friendly advice: There is a Mastodon setting where you can group boosts within your timeline so you won’t see the same post getting boosted over and over again.

Go to Mastodon in the browser > Gear icon > Menu icon in upper right > Other > Check "Group boosts in timelines"

(May be slightly different on a desktop, but that's the general idea)

Disclaimer: It's not perfect, but it's something.

I kind of wish people would nominate me for #FollowFriday after I post boner jokes instead of the occasional wholesome story so people will really know what they're getting themselves into.

I’m an adult and that means I can put a tent on my bed and nobody can stop me.

Is this a positive result for COVID? The people in this ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese say it's not positive because the line isn't pink and is instead a really dark red.

COVID update! I’m officially negative for COVID after my second negative test taken 48 hours apart.

I wanted to share my COVID test history because I had a unique experience and I think it's important for others to be aware.

On 1/18, my husband started feeling sniffly and decided to take a COVID test. His was positive, so I took a test and mine was positive as well. I didn't have any symptoms and there's no way I would have known had he not felt sick and tested himself.

On 1/22 I had a very faint line and on 1/24 it was gone, but I continued following guidelines to test 48 hours later to ensure a second negative test.

On 1/26, I saw a faint, almost imperceptible line. My husband couldn't see it and I imagine many others would have read it as a second negative test.

On 1/27, I tested again and the positive line was back and darker than ever.

It's 2/3 which is one week and 4 tests later (and over two weeks and 9 tests since the start) and I finally feel confident that I’m COVID negative.

All of this to say, please be responsible when taking these tests. It's not about getting the result you want, it's about knowing the result you have.

Swab thoroughly, note any presence of a line, no matter how faint, and don’t stop at one negative test. Make sure you get the reassurance of at least two negative tests at least 48 hours apart for yourself, your families, and others around you.

Apologies to those who watched my latest unboxing live stream. In my defense, it was 50/50 on whether those cats were going to be alive or not.

Friendly Fedi Advice: It's great to boost toots; however, make sure you pin 1–5 of your own toots to the top of your profile so people can get a quick look at the things YOU post so they can better tell if you'd be a good fit to follow.

Nathan Fielder height

I don’t care about proper adverb use because I like to live dangerous.