Notices by buttplug.io ?? (buttplugio@buttplug.zone)

Dear buttplug.io users:

We apologize for the current downtime.

If your butt is BSOD’ing, please try rebooting it a few times.

If you are currently experiencing downtime with your connected sex toy, PLEASE DO NOT RESORT TO USING YOUR HAND.

We have advanced enough as a species, that should no longer be required.

Please wait for the computers to come back online before seeking sexual self gratification.

To the many people who keep replying with “haha my buttplug runs Linux”

Well congratulations on having no audio in your butt

RT @mathew_dev@twitter.com

Let me put it in terms you can understand…

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/mathew_dev/status/1467926560653119497

Oh hey my Bluetooth controllable vibrating fantasy dildo came i…

ON WHAT FUCKING PLANET IS THIS CONSIDERED “MEDIUM”

Lovense Hush 1.5” for scale

For those of you with gigantic assholes, this is and other Wildolo toys are available on Amazon for ~$60.

The vibration isn't real strong but eh.

And yes it's compatible with Buttplug.

https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Wildolo-Vibration-Bluetooth-Rechargeable/dp/B09QHF1882?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1

My water bottle for scale.

Just.

ffs

Times I have picked up and tried to take a drink from my new stupid large bluetooth fantasy dildo instead of my water bottle because I took this photo then left things like this on my desk:

2

I HAVE VERY LITTLE SELF CONTROL AND THE ONLY THING I HATE IS BUTTPLUGS SO YEAH THOSE TAGS ARE ACCURATE

SHOUT OUT TO @TheGoodSpace FOR BEING A FRIEND OF THE BUTT

https://mastodon.social/@TheGoodSpace/111052271194393071

"uwu i definitely have many holes"

ya'll need to find jesus

"i mean jesus had like 3 to 4 more holes than me"

why have i not deleted my account yet

@feld @fbobraga @alinanorakari @JuliaRez @drwho I always said I was gonna update deldo for buttplug bindings, but I also stopped using emacs like 4-5 years ago so that project is most likely very dead now.

░B░U░T░T░P░L░U░G░S░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

Ever wanted to control a vibrator, stroker, or fucking machine through the Apple Vision Pro?

You can with Intiface Central on visionOS!

A whole new way to wank!

(Just remember to wash your hands before touching your headset)

THE FUTURE IS NOW

BUTTPLUG LLM

LET THE ROBOTS CONTROL YOUR BUTTPLUG

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG

https://github.com/PsychoSmiley/LLM_Buttplug

fine

fucking fine

i give up

the chess buttplug is continually willed into reality and will never end and i will be stuck hearing about this forever

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-67822137

oh shit oh fuck oh no

There's really nothing like implementing crash reporting to make you go "what the fuck is wrong with my users"

*staring at a crash report stack trace and device readout*

OH COME ON NO ONE HAS THAT MANY HOLES.

STOP IT.

YOOOO WE MADE IT

WE ON THE BAD SPACE BIG BAD BLOCKLIST

DEFEDERATE US, BITCHES.

I FUCKING DARE YOU.

DO IT. DO IT.

DOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOIT