Notices by Flashdancer (flash@mastodon.world)

HOW TO SURVIVE THE HEATWAVE:
1. Stay hydrated.
2. Have an ice cream cone.
3. Dismantle the fossil fuel industry which is literally burning the planet for the short term profit of a vanishingly small capitalist class.
4. Wear loose clothing.

Me: Hi, I’d like a wake-up call.

Operator: The seven hottest days in the last 100,000 years all happened in the last week.

I’m sat sitting here wondering why the Trojan condom is named after the Trojan horse. Isn't that the horse that penetrated the roman walls then broke open spilling hundreds of men into the city?

Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "F**k" or "F**king" 506 times. That actually beats a record set by Hubs in 2003, when trying to put an Ikea chest together.

@sun
The right path!

Today I taught a man how to buy a fish................so much easier!

Honeybee taking on a tiger.……”you call them stripes?”

The inside of an astronaut’s suit. I wonder where they keep their in-flight nuts?

Cutting it short?

I just broke a light bulb dammit, is that seven years of bad ideas?

Rare photo of a meateating salmon. They wait downstream till the bears gather at the same place every year, then leap upstream to try and eat one of them.

Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.

Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $48 worth of craft supplies?

If there is watermelon why isn't there firemelon, airmelon and earthmelon.
You know…the elemelons.

I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, vegetable...
One day I hope to become a bouillonaire.

Home security reminder.
A lot of people are arranging to go away for Christmas which makes their homes easy pickings for burglars. For security reasons I strongly recommend that you leave one of your children behind to construct a series of elaborate booby traps and defend your property.

He’s Stealing The Moon!

Happy National Dog Day. This beauty was rescued after a life of neglect but look at him now! ❤️🐾🐾❤️

Me: I think I'Il open this kitchen drawer.

Potato masher: The fuck you will.

What is easier to believe:
1. There is a huge conspiracy to make Donald Trump look like an idiot led by the media, intelligence community, scholars, and his own words...
2. Donald Trump is an idiot.