Notices by Stanley Nerdlinger II (nerde@beige.party)

Great local news coverage today
Story 1 - “Paraglider fell 50 feet. We don’t have word on his condition or how it happened”
Story 2 - Popular local bar closes. “We don’t know why, but it’s closed”
👍 🙄

Not to brag but I just went into a room and remembered why I went there.

#nerlingersjokes

I assure myself they are no match for my superior intellect, as I make a fifth attempt at creating an economical escape proof dog pen for the pups

#nerlingersjokes #dogs #dogsofmastodon

FYI if you’re going to the County Fair - DO NOT go on the ride called “Alien Probe”. I should have known better when they put me in the seat face down.

#nerlingersjokes

At my age do you realize how much bullshit my brain has to wade through just to remember why I came into the room?

#nerlingersjokes

Caught red handed

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #nerlingersjokes

Not to brag but I’ve been selected for a special balance transfer offer on my credit card.

#nerlingersjokes

I bet after Jesus finished feeding 5,000 people with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, everyone was still hungry.

#nerlingersjokes

Today I will be attempting to break my previous personal record for posting consecutive jokes without a single boost.

#nerlingersjokes

@TheBreadmonkey

I’m no connoisseur but does different pollen really change the taste of the honeybees’ vomit?

#nerlingersjokes

US Border Agent - Have you posted anything negative about our country?

Person - That depends. What country are you from? 🤔

Agent - America 🤨

Person - That can’t be right. No freedom loving American would ever ask a question like that. 🤷

I’ve successfully negotiated a deal to address my trade deficit with Safeway in which I will agree to continue shopping there 😉

#sarcasm

This May 5 is the famous celebration in North America known as Cinco De Mayo. While the following day May 6 is the infamous and not so celebrated Stinko De Banyo.

#nerlingersjokes

There can be only one reason for a poultry company to resist safe food inspections. They don’t want the expense of selling to you safe #food

I will not take the risk of feeding my family Pilgrims Pride products, no matter how much cheaper they might be.

@FlashMobOfOne
I get bad vibes from some peoples code 🤷

Not to brag, but when I looked up my ancestry I have, what they called, “great” grandparents 👍

#nerlingersjokes

@FlashMobOfOne
By 40-22 🏆

@FlashMobOfOne
He’s almost as good as Howie Roseman 🦅😉

I’m starting to think it’s a little too obvious that #jdvance killed the #Pope. Maybe it was set up? 🤔 🤷