Notices by monkϵyborg 🦾🐵 (monkeyborg@triangletoot.party), page 2

@Mrfunkedude One of those shows with like dragons and elves and shit but with boobs. Got to check it out man it’s on like Netflix or whatever. More people need to watch it so it doesn’t get cancelled before we find out what happens to the wizard

When are we going to get a new season of Game of Thrones? Want to get my Tyrion fix

@Mrfunkedude Twice the legs, twice the sass!

Introducing Horse Pope: The Pope That’s a Horse!

Went to Mens Wearhouse to get measured for my brother’s wedding party rental. I was the only customer there. They sent me back to the front to scan a QR code to check in. I did, entered name/ph/email, and the system texted me that I was first in line. Went back to the counter where the same dude took my name/ph/email again. The reservation # they had given me was useless, so I had to give him my brother’s ph. number. Had to enter my ph/email a third time. Looked around for Terry Gilliam.

In the 1960s, scientists postulated that black holes possess only three externally measurable properties: mass, electric charge, and angular momentum. This idea was encapsulated by the phrase “black holes have no pubes” and was known as “The Brazilian Theorem.”

We have got to be living through the late capitalism stage of computer. I canʼt imagine commercial software getting much worse before people start to realize that even opaque command-line tools from the 20th century are more user-friendly for a non-technical person to pick up and actually get something done with. Which admittedly may be a failure of imagination on my part.

I mean, how many more rent-seeking popups and useless features and user interface bait-and-switches will business customers tolerate in software that they paid for, before they say to hell with it and try this FOSS thing that their weird tech guy keeps talking about and discover that itʼs so much nicer?

I guess thatʼs the “this is the year of Linux on the desktop” pipe dream, though.

Text from my sister out of nowhere:

> Your spiderman claimed the coveted share day choice this week

Me: Is this… am I having a stroke right now?

(Translation: the Spider-Man toy I bought my niece was her choice for show-and-tell.)

Broke: Marry Fuck Kill

Woke: Dead Kiss Injure

Did any other children of the 80s watch that PBS show where the earth gets invaded by aliens and all the humans leave except a librarian and a bunch of kids and they camp out in this underground library and learn about the Dewey Decimal System and what have you? Would love to find that again. We never finished it and I want to know how it ends.

Doctor: Would you like me to go ahead and put in refills for your scripts while youʼre here?

Me: Aw hell yes doc I need you to beat my ass with refills. Fuck me up Iʼm ready

The main lesson you can take away from my life is that you can finish high school a virgin, get two degrees, marry an Ivy League graduate, get a good job, buy a house, and still end up a single parent in over your head with no money and no career mobility. Life donʼt give a shit. Life will fuck you up boy

@Mrfunkedude @doot Bananana
I just can't get you out of my head
Boy, your loving is all I think about

Think Iʼll mute Tucker Carlson too. Canʼt do a violence on all the shitheads I sometimes would like to do a violence to, but I can send them flying clear out of *my* little world which is the next best thing.

I close my eyes but the mad procession continues: an endless stream of Slim Shadies, each one slimmer and shadier than the last

We should take total shareholder dividends paid by a company, divide by the number of employees, and print that number on everybodyʼs paystubs along with the taxes that are taken out.

*Scrooge throws the shutters open wide, sees an urchin walking the street below*

“You there, lad! Tell me, what day is it?”

“Why don’t you know, Mr. Scrooge? It’s the day the Costco circular arrives in the mail!”

Your own
Personal
DoorDash
Someone to bring pad thai
Some random guy

Ever wander off into the woods behind a highway rest stop and find a dead body? Haha me neither that would be bananas