Notices by Sunflower Björnskalle 🌻 (apodoxus@mastodon.online), page 2

The room feels so empty. Nothing has changed.

Was I ready for this? Did I know this could happen?

I'm still annoyed that he wouldn't listen. Did I listen? You wouldn't understand what I'm yhinking right now. I can't write it.

I could have done better. Everyone involved could have done better. I'm not saying anyone could have saved his life, but we did all fail him, some more than others.

I think there is immense value in the sadness though. It teaches us the value of things and it teaches us to do better, to try to avoid these losses in the future, which is not always possible, but it helps and we can use the tools nature gave us to do the best we can.

What I'm saying though is that I think it's really important to embrace and experience the sadness when someone dies. A lot of people just want to stop hurting, but I think this is wrong. We have to see the pain as a gift that helps makes us better. I'm much more afraid of suppressing it, even on accident. Too much distraction and escapism can really mess us up. Not that one should hyperfocus on it either. I just mean don't consider the feelings something inherently bad. That's the way I see it.

I want to point out one particular failure. That's the psychiatric ward. He begged them to stay there and I also advocated for us to take him there but everyone else thought he was fine because they're completely fucking incompetent. I saw exactly what was going on because I had been there many times.

So that's two failures. Politically, this is the cost of cutting healthcare budgets so that they were overloaded. Psychologically, the egos of some people involved were a little fucking bloated.

I still think it was the right decision for me a few years ago. Based on what we knew at the time, it was unlikely that things were going to get better. That was my best option. Even my mother supported me in that.
This is different though. He didn't decide to die and I know that. It was the drugs, the mental illness and certain people who killed him. It's more like dying of cancer than euthanasia. They just look similar because we tend not to think too hard about these things. 2/2

I'm not against suicide in general. I get quite offended by the people who are though. It's bodily autonomy, even for people who are psychotic or depressed. He was both but I still advised him against it many times because he hadn't thought things through and hadn't really tried much to solve his problems or live with them. If another friend of mine who has gone through all that and still wanted to then I'd understand her. 1/2

Another thing that bothers me is the epistemology of it. Not only do we live in cultures with weak background epistemologies, but he also grew up in a home where people chose to believe in whatever made them comfortable. I don't mean your typical religious folk either, but people who literally just made up shit up in order to feel good, cobbling to together syncretic nonsense as a form of escapism. The kids inability to find his way in a life is a direct result of that.

There's really no benefit to giving up. Things will only get worse. Things may not get better if we try, but at least there's a chance.

Videos of people in the Republican Palace too. That's it.

#Syria

@ekis So you're bringing out the big guns for this project. 😄 Do you do that kind of thing often?

@ekis Anything surprising? The summary makes it sound a bit expected.

@micke That is an extremely specific joke. 🤣🤣

@dalias Homophobic?

@dalias How does it work in Brave search?

> Xi’s and Biden’s agreement not to integrate artificial intelligence (AI) into nuclear weapons control systems signals Beijing’s willingness to implement guardrails in areas that it has previously been noncommittal about cooperating in.

Or Beijings willingness not to be completely suicidal? Have you seen "AI"? 😂 Dooooo not fucking give the "AI" nukes, you morons.

@ekis Do you even float? 😏

@ekis So you passed the witch test. 🤔

@ekis You thought that noxious blend of smoky forges, charred flesh, sulfurous ash, and faint hint of corruption, as if the very land itself were been tainted by Sauron's dark powers was how it smells everywhere? Tsss...

@ekis Because you live in Mordor...? 🤔

"init was a tool; systemd is an adversary"

Metal🤘