Zeus kept coming down from heaven and getting women pregnant all the time. I just wanted to know what that felt like the one time. The following 2000 years was my bad - God

#FictionalCharacterConfessions
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Fight Club was supposed to be a way for me to meet women. Not sure how this ended up as an all guy revolution. - Tyler Durden

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Our voices are like this because we’re castrati. Dave is an evil, evil man. - Alvin and the Chipmunks.

#FictionalCharacterConfessions
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I actually graduated with degrees in engineering, animal husbandry, theology, bartending, and economics on top of my medical degree. - Dr. McCoy

#FictionalCharacterConfessions
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Look Alex and fellow droogs, we’re just trying to make a milk commercial and you’ve made it…well…weird.

#FireAFictionalCharacter
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You literally had Mr. Bond tied to a table with a laser slowly moving up towards his junk. You could have just shot him. HR says that while killing him was fine, the method was borderline sexual harassment.

#FireAFictionalCharacter
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If the town mayor says there is no way there’s a killer shark, there is absolutely a killer shark.

#SummerVacationWarningLabels
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#TuneTuesday has come around again with the theme #SilverScreen, a song about movies or people involved with them. Here’s a very violent song about Martin Scorsese. Possibly because his films were violent? Haven’t decided if this is satire or not.

King Missile - Martin Scorsese

https://youtu.be/BVeGmfcHkS4

@jacklaridian ooh, nice one,

On tap for tonight: no kid and a much needed date night for our wedding anniversary. Yay wine!

Watching #TheBoys and wow, all the subtlety of a train derailing. Loving the MAGA Truthcon.

Say hello to my little fine print clause.

#InsuranceASloganOrPoem
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Went over to the debate for 5 seconds.

Every Sean Bean character ever - living until the end of the movie.

#FictionalCharactersUnfoundedFear
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Customer service representative - afraid of not having higher than normal volume of calls

#FictionalCharactersUnfoundedFear
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Deselecting auto delete on your browser history.

#MinorDemonChoresAndTasks
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Change the angle of your camera during Zoom meetings, showing that you didn’t wear pants

#MinorDemonChoresAndTasks
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Renewing my driver’s license and you can only come in by appointment. It’s a 4 month waiting list to get in. Texas government, working for the common man.

Trying to not have to see my neighbors naked all the time. Starting a hedge fund.

#OddNextDoorPostingsAndComplaints
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Let’s all overshare. Worst date story in toot length:
Met a girl online. She invited me to her house for dinner on 1st date. Red flag! Show up with a nice bottle of wine. We start talking and things are going good, when she says, “I think you oughta know, I occasionally become possessed by the spirit of a Celtic princess named Rhiannon.” Date ended shortly after. I thought, best brush-off in history, but she kept calling. I invented the term ghosting. Now your turn. Boost for more hilarity.