Notices by Rachel (rachel@oomfie.world)

my girlfriend's niece called me auntie rachel i can't handle this it's too cute 🥺

just learned cats can't taste sweetness i'm gonna need a few minutes to grieve

life sim games allow us to live out our wildest fantasies, such as living in a place large enough that owning a vanity table is reasonable

getting a haircut tomorrow for the first time in a year and it's with a new hairdresser i'm kinda scared

(notepad in hand) this is my favourite ship dynamic how would you instinctively call it without discussing it with anyone else?

back down a clothing size ahhhhhhh

if u see a post pitting transmascs and transfems against each other, block and move on!! do not accept this silly artificial online rivalry. in the real world we are buddies

i just bought a direct train from Mons to Paris for cheaper than it would've been to get a terrible smelly Flixbus that would've taken an extra hour to do the same trip. this feels nice

i've invented a new punctuation: the all of the above mark.

the low-speed Paris-Brussels trains are just class 96es painted fuchsia they're so ugly 😶
very cool they exist and stop in Mons Station, a thing that now also exists

- people are buzzing about a social network with a blue logo
- everyone's playing half life 2
- the democratic party seems completely dead and a republican president just won a reelection campaign
- linkin park is relevant

close enough welcome back 2004

@smveerman do you mean stuff like this? if so last time i checked it was still abandoned on the ground in morlanwelz

@smveerman it's morlanwelz there's only two trains an hour (S62 towards Charleroi at x:45 and S62 towards La Louvière at x:15) i don't think anyone would notice

@smveerman oh wait no you meant taking it *on* the train mb 🤦♀️

@smveerman btw may i ask you why as a dutch person you seem more interested in belgian railways than the netherlands'?

i have hired this 🤓 to stare at you

girl update: i really need to get a purse

had an okay breakfast and lunch. nothing huge but it's acceptable. i'd say i'll probably need a couple more days to recover from the pizza, and then i'll be able to try something a bit heavier again. though that thought alone makes me queasy right now.

the big step of the day is that i told my roommate and my closest family members about my anorexia, which will most likely help.

i'm actually okay right now, though having eaten less than in the past couple of days probably played a role in that.

tonight, more eggs and onions, with some cheese as well this time. i'll survive, i'll do it.

and, to make things clearer, when i said "you don't need to send hugs or voice support" in my previous post, what i meant was "please do not send hugs or voice support". i think it wasn't clear enough and people interpreted it as just me being polite, but seriously, i don't want to be coddled. healing from this involves learning to treat things normally, and that means i need to be treated normally. this is meant as informative, i'm not looking for attention or special treatment. i'm completely open to any question or comment you may have, but i don't need or want support. i have a support network already.

i actually felt hunger for the first time in weeks this afternoon. i knew it wouldn't last, so i seized the opportunity to eat some more of those wafers with mayo and cheese, and tonight i made three more eggs, also with cheese.

overall daily food intake:
- a small bowl of cereal
- a vegetable panini
- three and a half slices of gouda on corn wafers, with mayo and lettuce
- three eggs, 100g of cheese and an onion, all scrambled together

it's good progress, but dear lord am i paying the price of that right now. i feel even fatter than i did after that pizza two days ago.
part of me is afraid that i'm going too fast and that i'll just bounce off.

i just want to stop eating. i want to be able to live off air, water and light and never have to stuff myself ever again. i want to be free of this revolting process that seems to be everything our bodies are designed for.

i don't know how i'll handle tomorrow, or the intrusive thoughts in bed tonight for that matter.

not the best day so far. i had a small bowl of cereal as usual for breakfast, but then i panicked before lunch, managed a couple of bites of my vegetable sandwich, then a colleague came in and offered an aubergine pizza slice. i accepted, packed up my sandwich for later, and slowly managed to have the slice instead.
overall that's definitely less than in the previous three days around the same time of day. i'll try to finish my sandwich in a bit.
i should also report that i've been having a lot of daydreams about being some kind of entity that doesn't need food to survive, and i've been idly feeling my ribs a lot. neither of which seems particularly healthy.
my goals for the day are:
- finish the sandwich
- have a bowl of soup
- don't punch myself in the stomach for at least 24h (i'm at around 19h right now)