Notices by new improved hazel (hazel@godforsaken.website)

i hope we are about to enter a period future historians will call 'the age of assassinations'

the other day one of my students comes up to me and says "do you watch drag paul's run race" and now i can't stop thinking about drag paul's run race

milfs. show me your outfits

not a single milf showed me their outfit. terrible

remember that one week at the start of covid that was like don't touch your face!! don't touch your face and you'll be okay. oh fuck you touched your face, oh fuck i touched My face, oh fuck

what sort of failsafes are there to prevent the train doors opening on the wrong side. one of you must know this

good morning, don't forget to wash your asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just saw a tote bag that said 'i am totally recycled to see you'. i am totally recycled to see you

my understanding is that american's do not empty 1-2 kilogrammes of dishwasher salt into a special salt compartment of their dishwashers? as a european i take pride in emptying a 1-2 kilogramme box of dishwasher salt into a special salt compartment of my dishwasher to contribute to the effective washing of my dishes

eleanor rigby
sucks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been
floor is quite clean

@siege the egg of all time

@jk before clicking the article i thought 'this is going to be about going back a frame isnt it'

@jk im not very smart at computer but. couldnt it hop back to the last i-frame then work forward from there to find the frame you want

woke up feelin pretty good about my gender. im just hazel :3

im just hazel
anywhere else id be a bagel

like im all scruffy and im getting a coldsore but. thats pure hazel right there. just absolutely it's that's hazel

(selfie, ec)

bot that does 'real eyes realize real lies' for every word ending in -ize

style eyes stylize style lies

m stands for 'mm'

@siege i love your anecdotes, feels like we're all sitting round a campfire after the end of the world and you're recounting these absurd stories from your life