Notices by josef (jk@mastodon.social)

The process has terminated.

And that's right!! It's that time again!
Get ready for your
PID 47182 WRAPPED!!!

Starting off strong with a banger from KERNELBASE
Your No. 3 most-called function... GetExitCodeThread

You know a classic when you see it.
Back on the grind, and sweating it out,
with a well-earned second-place...
MatrixMultiply!

But it's clear, blocking means a lot to you.
The function where you spent 31.46% of your time...
Your No. 1, is the one and only
... WaitForSingleObjectEx!!

wait thats not steam

this room has the tapes. its the tapes' room

the tapes room

vaporwave, a history
---------------------------------

2009: nobody here
2010: ecco the dolphin
2011: new dreams & floral shoppe
...
...
2015: seinfeld
2016: hentai screengrab with a windows 95 start button in the corner
2017: any video game that has purple in it

windows 11 also gives me this feeling whenever i catch a glimpse of it. its very odd. it looks like a linux distro from the 2010s. the kind people would recommend because it "works just like Windows" and i would take one look at it and be like "no it doesn't? that doesnt look anything like Windows? i cant, in good conscience, recommend this to my grandma can i? she's going to be really perturbed by it" etc. but now it seems that microsoft themselves want to perturb my grandma

i just saw a screenshot of some linux distro. i was like. what window manager is this? what UI theme? it looked kinda like one of those fancy "we're easy to use!" linux distros you see. yknow where they make it look kinda like Mac OS. but there's always some small, telltale signs: odd text alignment, unclear, monochrome icons, an overall lack of polish. you can tell it's not a *real* Mac because of those. anyway i looked a bit closer, and it actually was Mac OS. thats what a Mac looks like now

*me, trying to break an egg*

*the egg will just not break*

*no matter how hard i try, the egg stays intact*

ughhh fuucks sake. the Egg servers are down

in britain nowadays its like. you go to the toilet. in your own home. and once you've provided your official ID and scanned your face with the toilet safety app, you make use of the facilities, and that part goes pretty normal i hope, but then you flush the toilet and its like. "sorry but due to a cyberattack we are not flushing at the moment. we are waiting to get our cistern back online" or whatever. i swear everything wasn't always like this. what a country

you know what they say. dont lock a pissed horse in a house

a couple times a week we find this one hanging out in the park

tired: move fast & break things
wired: move slow. and leave a trail of Slime

@jalefkowit you can search open source codebases for "flooboogMultiplier =" and everyone sets it to 1.0. except for two people, one who sets it to 1.0001 with the comment "// critical fix" and someone else who leaves no comment whatsoever and sets it to 9

i've got an iphone 12 mini, which has worked great until this point. i considered buying an iphone 16 mini, or an iphone 15 mini, or an iphone 14 mini, but it seems they don't exist, because apple is in one of its signature multi-year-long sulks where it won't make phones that fit in your hand at all, let alone comfortably. someone said the iphone 13 mini has much better battery life, and whatsmore, it apparently actually exists, although it doesn't come in the nice purple i like

a week ago my mobile provider told me "great news, we've completed the 5G upgrades in your area". ever since then, my phone signal at home has been dogshit. it used to be great but now it's never higher than one bar. it's so bad that 30% of the battery on my phone is just used by it maxing out the radios trying to reach a tower. and this is in the middle of the city!! my phone is literally running out of battery twice a day because of this shit

so i found someone selling some 13 minis "brand new". even a 512GB model. i can put all my music on it. like an ipod. all unopened original stock. 2 day delivery. phones are a scam, and ebay is a scam, so phones on ebay is certainly a scam, but i gave it a go. days later they message me. they admit its not 2 day delivery, its actually from china. the typhoon has put an end to their dropshipping fun. it seems the phone does exist, sealed in original box, but now afloat in 3 feet of brown water

for no justifiable reason, i Hate that there is now a C++ "logo". the fucking hexagon one. i think even C has a "logo" now. i can't explain why it annoys me. theres no reason for it. maybe it's because it looks like the logo of an early-2010s javascript framework? maybe its because of the idea of turning a programming language into a brand? or maybe its just an awful logo. but crucially!! it's awful in a completely different way to C++. its totally unsuitable. really bad branding

you: so i've been using this new programming language called mbflwx

me: let me check it out. mbflwxlang.org

you: what do you think

me: hmm. well first off. i dont think i can't use this. sorry. i dont like to be dismissive but. theres no mascot

you: wait, what?

me: like. im clicking all the pages and im not getting anything. wheres the furry

i think of this as a kind of aggregate substance that one accumulates over time. it collects in a special ‘sump’ in a drawer or box, and is uncountable, overflowing

heard from an insider at bloomberg some very exciting news. im not confirming this at all! but theres word going around that pretty soon the ip holders are gearing up for relaunching Furby as a "large language labobo" and also it can now vomit