Notices by Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me), page 5
-
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Monday, 31-Jul-2023 00:39:29 JST 
Erato Heti
@nyx thats a mood. ill challenge myself and read it by the end of the week :xf_lain_happy:
its not that big im just letting zoomer geists haunt me :xf_beautiful_mark: -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Monday, 31-Jul-2023 00:39:22 JST
Erato Heti
@nyx cards on the table i haven't read naked lunch either its probably on mine and a lot of other peoples to do list. lets be real i think its just hard to finish novella length fiction after the multi media internet boom. i love all the non fiction ive read from borroughs tho, 1 of my fav conspiraboys for sure. -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Monday, 31-Jul-2023 00:39:12 JST
Erato Heti
@nyx wow so you wanna write about a movie just because a microfamous blogger did smh clout chaser :catto:
i cant stand stuff like blade runner so any neo-noir clearly stretching the limits of its budget are my go to. this looks fresh but we will see. i reccomend Avalon and Naked Lunch (1991), also. -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Monday, 31-Jul-2023 00:38:46 JST
Erato Heti
Just read N1x (not to be confused with Nyx, a collectively upheld mirage) thoughts on the contrasts between Dark City and The Matrix. Instantly made me want to check it out. Very excited to dig into this today ^-^ -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Monday, 31-Jul-2023 00:38:16 JST
Erato Heti
@Arcana @nyx im going through real silly stuff right now to find out what youre alluding to :cacoblobcatcomf: -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:12:10 JST
Erato Heti
Dysphoria, Body Dysmorphia, Oversharing Thruster Companion (this is my quirky little way to include optional music): https://lovecrypt.net/track/digital-kaiser I woke up thinking about this because I think I can feel my relationship with it shifting a bit. I've been trans for over 7 years now with tragically little external 'progress' in relationship to a lot of my sisters. The pandemic pulled me off estrogen treatment, and having to penny pinch kept me away. One of my sisters has been able to get tatoos, an orchi, the whole 9 yards after only 3 and constantly engages in polylust. She's finding herself, and I'm proud of her. ....I dont have any of that, not Lasik, none of it. I'm still trying to build up enough funds to get it rolling but at the same time, I also I'm not even sure how much of that stuff I want to do. I recognize this comes off as oversharing but it was relevant for what I'm about to say. Everywhere I look, I get 'gender envy'. Wow look at all these people making so much progress, I'm lagging out, etc. This is especially how I thought before I had the opportunity to move in with my girlfriend, when I was living with my parents. In a situation like that, you are never able to be yourself regardless of how loving 'the family' is. So, a lot of that idea of self maintanence becomes a resentment. Arrgh I gotta put on a face for my parents and work on not looking like a filthy moid, this sucks. This morning I woke up with the 'facial hair feeling' again. It feels like theres this weight on your face you have to get off asap. The more you ignore it the more depressed it makes you. As opposed to a dysphoria of shame, its a dysphoria of 'corporeality'. Its not about gender expression, its as 'wrong' as knots in your hair or a boil on your neck. Most of my dysphoria is 'corporeal' in that sense. Here's what I'm trying to get at though. This type of dysphoria has felt more raw and easier to own since I moved out. It's the rust of my body asking itself to be maintained. If I haven't shaved in a day or 2, I probably also havent showered or done any other bits of self grooming etc. So its these types of dysphoria I'm not sure I'd ever want to completely erase. Corporeal dysphoria makes me feel more a part of the world on my own terms, trying only a day at a time to escape from how irritating it is, rather than for a lifetime. Reminding me after all that the physicality of the body itself is a curse. Some people may think this is cope, this is 'accepting your suffering' etc. Yet for me, its moments like this that remind me why I love being a trans women in particular. If I was born a cis woman, there would probably be some corporeal dysphoria sure but it would be easier to reterritorialize as 'part of the misery' more evenly. Whether it be things that are outside of your control like menopause or in your control like makeup, I can't really see how corporeal maintanence would show up. As a trans woman whose been doing this for nearly a decade with little 'progress', I have a better relationship with my freakishness and what bugs me than cis society. I think one day I'll be able to make poetry or something out of it, but in the meantime I'm very glad what it gives me in terms of understanding the awkwardness of the body. "A cat screams. Why do I pay so much attention to the screams of a cat? I only want to hear the sounds from within! Perhaps, it has come from within?" - Final Curtain (1957), Ed Wood ...I should go lick myself clean now, have a nice morning all c: -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:10:15 JST
Erato Heti
@kittenlikeasmallcat just wanted to let you know this is a fantastic effortpost and im glad somebody is shining a light on the cantripping of social justice etymology into contemporary neo con parlance...
this is out of my wheelhouse entirely, I might read the Statement at some point. but I just wanted you to know this is exactly the sort of conciousness raising opportunity i joined for :menheraawake: -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:10:05 JST
Erato Heti
@FinalOverdrive Untagging nyx from this because I'm new here and dont want to bug queen Bee off the bat with effortposting in her notifs.
Knowing I'm able to hold my own in this dialogue and used semi accurate terminology has helped with footholding my confidence a bit so I appreciate that.
The millenial brainrot is just running the 'im ugly and im proud' script from Spongebob over and over again but I'll move past it. I want to find sympathy in this but I think if you hold onto failed heterosexuality for a couple years like that something queer flourishes out of it. Before I came out I spent quite a few years as this type of boy, the Punished Heterosexual. I think I simply doubt it as a sustainable vector point, either you queer out, you relapse, or you go into polycule feminist shit. If we are being realistic what happens in a material sense is these people reject attractive desire, make lots of money, and the shifting power dynamics lead them to engage again. That's fine thats life, but patriarchy has a material element and I think its important to keep that in mind. After you have a few hundred grand in your bank account, that patriarchy allots to you over other women, you're going to metamorphize regardless. Thats the whole reason a lot of us try to develop speculative fictions when men as a class get melted out etc. Focus on an induvidual for long enough and you'll start to pity almost anybody. -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:10:04 JST
Erato Heti
@FinalOverdrive I think my other big issue with this is just that most men are not actually that ugly and their perceptions they are are wildly overstated but I figure we dont have to unpack that probably obvious trueism. I think if they took a year off from this stuff the self fulfilling prophecy would dissappear and they would get laid thus terminating that part of the psychic dialogue entirely. -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:09:35 JST
Erato Heti
@FinalOverdrive @nyx
I'm not meaning to sound disagreeable or out of my element here, but I just want to point out that escaping from the red and blackpills of desire rejection towards Self Actualization usually leads a lot of these men to MGTOW. That is to say they dont drop the intense sexist biases (ie women get turned on by fear) but instead distance themselves from all consuming Woman comtempt. Taking a more motorcycle induvidualist free spirit approach to sexism. I bring this up because during my really dumb time of trying to get with men the person I was with at the time actually radicalized and objectified my girlfriend as a result of accepting this more 'mild' critique of women. MGTOW is the immediate first exit point for available from repression which reterritorializes their desires into something more 'palatable'. thus allowing them to harm in more striatic encounters without getting Punished for it.
I'm not a know it all pointdexter with this stuff but it's just worth bringing up that this pitfall is there, and has been utilized many time to keep the manosphere stable -.- -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Sunday, 30-Jul-2023 01:09:34 JST
Erato Heti
@FinalOverdrive @nyx sure thats fair, in retrospect i could have just chimed 'dont forget MGTOWs exist'. I apologize for my bought of long windedness.
I still think that this stuff can boil back bad tho, like The Sorrows of Young Werther. either you get it out of your system in the way Goethe did or it eats you alive (in the way it did a lot of the readers at the time).
...sounds like its was a more genuine desire for epicureanism, which i think would suit a lot of those people (and most anyone) well. i think the reason people try to joke about heterosexual desire is that its sort of tragic and joking that you might be Ace or Gay etc, would be just such a convinent out. i wish them good luck. I sympathize with what you're getting at regardless. -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Saturday, 29-Jul-2023 04:55:46 JST
Erato Heti
@eris a pinko huh, i can believe i liked this guy just because he said 'i am death destroyer of worlds' 😬 -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Saturday, 29-Jul-2023 00:46:47 JST
Erato Heti
@eris im new around here but from what i gathered, i just know i dont want to be associated with anybody who is giving you shit, a lot of those people are annoying internet ideologues that seem to think the list of blanket unacceptable slurs is more than the number i can count on my fingers. so take a break if you need to but you're helping me filter out who i dont want to associate with :cacopatcatcomf: -
Embed this notice
Erato Heti (erato_heti@social.xenofem.me)'s status on Thursday, 27-Jul-2023 13:39:46 JST
Erato Heti
I just got here, happy to be. Here's a tune to commemorate ^_^
https://nanoray.bandcamp.com/track/inner-core
All GNU social JP content and data are available under the