Notices by Lesbian Death Bed (bitterkarella@sfba.social), page 4

4
Rowling: what are you even ssspending £1,000,000 on jussst to lossse?
Bailey: oh you know, like, legal stuff
Bailey: like
Bailey: exposition and
Bailey: dockets
Bailey: uhhhh
Bailey: legal stuff
Rowling:
Rowling: [narrowing eyes] What'ss in that briefcasse?

3
Bailey: ok yeah i lost this case but i'm sure that, if you just gave me another £1,000,000, i could absolutely pin that wispa bar on a trans
Bailey: i know i could do it
Bailey: you gotta believe me!
Bailey: c'mon, bro, just one more £1,000,000, just one more

6
Bailey: it's nothing, it's just full of , you know, papers
Rowling: what kind of papersss?
Bailey: um legal papers
Rowling:
Bailey:
Rowling: let me ssee them
bailey: [sweating] actually by the doctrine of uhh habeus porpoise i legally can't show you, sorry, that's just the rules

5
Bailey: briefcase? what briefcase?
Rowling: that one you're holding right there
Bailey: OH! you mean THIS briefcase!
Rowling: yess THAT briefcasse
Rowling: the one with the ever-increasing olive oil sstain on the sside

8
Rowling: i told you NOT to usse thiss £1,000,000 for sspaghetti damnit!! I told you!
Bailey: [wailing] i know! i tried!
Bailey: but then i got hungry
Rowling: why do you need £1,000,000 for sspaghetti?
Bailey: i mean, it's really GOOD spaghetti

7
Rowling: did you ssspend my £1,000,000 on spaghetti again???
Bailey: actually legally i don't have to answer that question because of
Bailey: because of uhhh
Bailey: OBJECTION
Rowling: give me that damn briefcassse! [they struggle for briefcase]

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: what newssss?
Rowling: allisssson how goess the lawsssuit againssst ssstonewall?
Allison Bailey: GREAT NEWS!
Bailey: if losing were winning, then we just totally won!
Rowling:

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: how goesss the election?
Rowling: did we win?
Posie Parker: good news!
Parker: if words meant the opposite of what they do, then yes we won!
Rowling: excellent, excellent, that'ss great
Rowling: wait a ssec

3
Rowling: ugh! i can't believe we lossst! thisss wasss ssssuppossed to be a sssure thing!
Rowling: i had big plansss! sssuch big plansss!
Rowling: now how am i gonna get funding for a big ssorting hat to put on school kidsss junk

2
Rowling: confound you, you ssilver tongued devil!!
Rowling: how iss thisss possssible? are you ssaying the people of britain aren't excited for exterminating the transs?
Rowling: i jusst don't know what to believe anymore

5
Parker: but dark lord Rowling: you've failed me for the lassst time, wormtail!
Parker: nooo dark lord one more chance, please, just one more chance
Parker: just one more hate campaign dark lord just one more please i swear dark lord this time it'll work

4
Rowling: you losst to Darth Farter & Grand Admiral Toilet Sseat! you lost to the joke candidatess!
Rowling: at least i think those are the joke candidatess
Rowling: this is britain so itss kind of hard to tell
Rowling: wormtail look into that for me
Jesse Singal: right away mommy

6
Rowling: my Totally Normal Party of Bevaginaed Women may have losst Rowling: but at least the toriess maintained power to continue our work toward a final ssolution
Rowling: the toriess did win, right?
Parker:
Parker: uhhhh
Rowling: oh goddamnit

2
Vladimir Nabokov: ok i got a story
Nabokov: but i'm only gonna tell it if you all promise not to be mad at me
Poe: we promise
Nabokov: you promise?
Nabokov: you all have to say it
Poe: we all promise
King: sure we promise
Barker: promise
Nabokov: swear i

1
King: gosh joanne sure has been trending a while on twitter
King: like, for almost a week straight
Poe: oo
Poe: er
Poe: that's
King: yeah that's not good
Poe: that's very bad
Poe: i don't think it's healthy
Poe: it does things to you

3
Vladimir Nabokov: ok this is the story of the guy who raised his own child bride
Piers Anthony: why would you say something so controversial and yet so brave

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exccciting newsss
Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award
Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked

3
Barker: how exactly are you stopping god from destroying the earth
Rowling: well, obviousssly it's becaussse
Rowling: god is a big cormorant strike fan
Rowling: i mean, duh
Rowling: that's my legacy
Rowling: and, you know, the transssphobia

2
Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne?
Rowling: it's for being one of the 36 people whossse presssence ssstopsss god from dessstroying the earth
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Barker:

5
[later]
Rowling: hello fellow sssinai award recipients
Rowling: how goesss it?
Ted Cruz: