Notices by Lesbian Death Bed (bitterkarella@sfba.social), page 2

4
Bram Stoker: interesting! i, for one, am glad to finally hear a succubus story without all that sex
Barker: you can't just have an asexual succubus! Barker: that's like having a straight vampire!
Stoker:
Stoker: NOW SEE HERE YOU LITTLE-!!

5
Stoker: vampires aren't gay, how dare you!?
Anne Rice: um yeah of course vampires are gay
Stoker: no they're not!
Rice: yes they are!
Barker: fight! fight! fight!
Poe: stop it! stop it! everyone, settle down!
Mary Shelley: [flipping switchblade] finally, some action!

9
Highsmith: Out she comes piping hot, a real boom boom McWow Wow!
Highsmith: there ain't nothin' like a dame!
Edward Lee: you said it bro!

8
Rowling: you all defy me? yet i am the only one who can define what a woman isss
Patricia Highsmith: i can
Highsmith: see, ya take a pinch of wiggles, a smidge of jiggles, and a dusting of giggles
Highsmith: set the oven to HOT
Highsmith: and you got yourself a real hotsy totsy

11
Rowling: and ssome of them
Rowling: i know we're all thinking it, i'm just gonna come out and ssay it
Rowling: ssome of them
Rowling: rather sswarthy
King: i was definitely not thinking that
Lovecraft: i was thinking that

10
Rowling: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Rowling: some of these so-called lady athletes?
Rowling: not very traditionally feminine!
Barker: damn what a shocker
Rowling: i'm not done

12
Lovecraft: i don't get this whole trans thing
Lovecraft: honestly, i usually think you're talking about transnistrians
Lovecraft: which i believe are a kind of slav
Lovecraft: but this racism thing? i could be on board with that
Rowling: Finally! Ssomeone who talkss ssensse!

5
Rowling: sssee, a woman isn't defined by her genitalsss or her chromosssomesss
Rowling: but rather by the inescapable ssstench of failure
Rowling: thiss iss feminissm, by the way

7
Rowling: wow, mary, you ssay that with ssuch
Rowling: ssusspicioussly unladylike confidence
Rowling: hand me my sspeculum, i need to check ssomething
Shelley: [flipping switchblade] back the fuck up

6
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Rowling: i was explaining how women are weak and pathetic
Shelley: couldn't be me
Rowling: well you just don't underssstand feminissm
Shelley: yeah i fuckin do

4
Rowling: clearly the winner in thiss boxing match can't be a BIOLOGICAL woman
Rowling: look at the factsss
Rowling: a woman is weak, pathetic, feeble-minded
Rowling: in all waysss, inferior to a man
Rowling: there'sss no way a woman could win

3
Rowling: i'm very concerned about thisss boxing match
Rowling: SUPPOSEDLY two women were boxing
Rowling: but the winner? obviously secretly a man
Barker: how do you figure?
Rowling: DUH, cuz she won

2
King: i don't think any trans women are involved in the olympics actually joanne
Rowling: then I'll just have to make sssome up!
Barker: does everything have to be about the trans women
Rowling: YESS
Rowling: YESS IT DOESSS

1
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i'm VERY concerned about the olympicssss
Clive Barker: oh you found a new interest? that's nice
Stephen King: i didn't know you followed the olympics!
Rowling: I do now that TRANSS WOMEN ARE INVOLVED
Barker: so you didn't find a new interest

1
Oz Perkins: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the longlegs
Perkins: it's about an FBI agent tracking a serial killer
Thomas Harris: nice
Perkins: no no it's totally different than that
Perkins: not like silence of the lambs at all

3
Perkins: but here's the REAL twist
Perkins: his legs?
Perkins: not really all that long
King: what? for real?
Perkins: yeah!
Perkins: they're totally normal length!
Barker: wow that's a let down
Perkins: no no not a let down
Perkins: a TWIST

2
Perkins: but here's the twist
Perkins: longlegs is played by nicholas cage with a weird puffy face, long hair and acting all high femme
Perkins: so its kinda like silence of the lambs in that way
Perkins: BUT, more importantly, with more plausible deniability

5
Perkins: i got it! see, when he meets one of his victims he's all "and i didn't even wear my long legs today!"
Barker: what the hell does that mean
Perkins: it means
Perkins:
Perkins: it means he didn't wear his long legs
Perkins: today

4
Barker: so you're telling me this guy calls himself long legs and his legs aren't even long? get outta down!
Perkins: no see he's called long legs because
Perkins:
Barker: because?
Perkins: hold on i'll think of something

7
Perkins: maybe you guys wouldn't understand because, see, this is atmospheric horror
Perkins: no logic, all vibes
Perkins: slow, methodical vibes
Perkins: slow, methodical, plodding vibes
Perkins: you all probably should have lit up before you came to see it