Notices by NewsThump (newsthump@mastodon.online), page 2

Narnia residents delighted as immigrant loophole through wardrobe is finally closed https://newsthump.com/2024/07/18/narnia-residents-delighted-as-immigrant-loophole-through-wardrobe-is-finally-closed-3/

Oops! Man’s attempt to use washing machine results in complete societal collapse https://newsthump.com/2024/07/11/oops-mans-attempt-to-use-washing-machine-results-in-complete-societal-collapse/

Great replacement theorist remains unable to locate any white females willing to procreate with him https://newsthump.com/2024/07/09/great-replacement-theorist-remains-unable-to-locate-any-white-females-willing-to-procreate-with-him/

Nation hands massive majority to leader who got fewer votes than Jeremy Corbyn https://newsthump.com/2024/07/05/nation-hands-massive-majority-to-leader-who-got-fewer-votes-than-jeremy-corbyn/

Free speech enthusiast now up to three boycotts a week https://newsthump.com/2024/06/14/free-speech-enthusiast-now-up-to-three-boycotts-a-week/

Müller unveils new ‘Farage Frais’ range of throwing yoghurts to hurl at politicians https://newsthump.com/2024/06/05/muller-unveils-new-farage-frais-range-of-throwing-yoghurts-to-hurl-at-politicians/

“It could have been acid fired from a drone!” Farage supporters react angrily after he’s hit by seagull droppings https://newsthump.com/2024/06/06/it-could-have-been-acid-fired-from-a-drone-farage-supporters-react-angrily-after-hes-hit-by-seagull-droppings/

Electric scooters overtake Audis as the vehicle of choice for utter pricks https://newsthump.com/2024/05/29/electric-scooters-overtake-audis-as-the-vehicle-of-choice-for-utter-pricks/

Fictional alien time travellers can’t be black, insist morons https://newsthump.com/2024/05/16/fictional-alien-time-travellers-cant-be-black-insist-morons-2/

Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ https://newsthump.com/2024/05/09/man-pivots-seamlessly-from-criticising-trans-rights-as-a-threat-to-womens-safety-to-defending-russell-brand-as-no-threat-to-womens-safety/

The voters didn’t back us because we still let trans people use the toilet of their choosing, insist angry Tories https://newsthump.com/2024/05/03/the-voters-didnt-back-us-because-we-still-let-trans-people-use-the-toilet-of-their-choosing-insist-angry-tories/

Rishi Sunak warns of ‘dangerous precedent’ if leaders have to resign simply because they can no longer govern effectively https://newsthump.com/2024/04/29/rishi-sunak-warns-of-dangerous-precedent-if-leaders-have-to-resign-simply-because-they-can-no-longer-govern-effectively/

Music journalist issues glowing 5-star review of Taylor Swift’s new album after a friendly chat with Swifties in an abandoned warehouse https://newsthump.com/2024/04/22/music-journalist-issues-glowing-5-star-review-of-taylor-swifts-new-album-after-a-friendly-chat-with-swifties-in-an-abandoned-warehouse/

Furious culture warrior claims ‘wokeness has gone mad’ after discovering train service called the Transpennine Express https://newsthump.com/2024/04/06/furious-culture-warrior-claims-wokeness-has-gone-mad-after-discovering-train-service-called-the-transpennine-express/

Boeing to offer discount flights to anyone willing to hold door in place for the duration of their flight https://newsthump.com/2024/03/19/boeing-to-offer-discount-flights-to-anyone-willing-to-hold-door-in-place-for-the-duration-of-their-flight/

Michael Gove out there today, busy laying the ground work for the government's new "Extremist" definition.

Schrödinger’s sex pest simultaneously ‘only joking’ and ‘deadly serious’ until he observes a woman’s reaction to his inappropriate behaviour https://newsthump.com/2024/02/28/schrodingers-sex-pest-simultaneously-only-joking-and-deadly-serious-until-he-observes-a-womans-reaction-to-his-inappropriate-behaviour/

Tucker Carlson excites more controversy with sympathetic Warmaster Abaddon interview https://newsthump.com/2024/02/10/tucker-carlson-excites-more-controversy-with-sympathetic-warmaster-abaddon-interview/

Government urged to fix NHS waiting lists after King Charles spends 24 hours on trolley in hospital corridor https://newsthump.com/2024/02/05/government-urged-to-fix-nhs-waiting-lists-after-king-charles-spends-24-hours-on-trolley-in-hospital-corridor/

CERN announces Small Hadron Collider for home use https://newsthump.com/2024/02/05/cern-announces-small-hadron-collider-for-home-use/