Notices by NewsThump (newsthump@mastodon.online), page 3

Barbie sequel to show Barbie coming into the real world to find only Ken nominated for an Oscar https://newsthump.com/2024/01/23/barbie-sequel-to-show-barbie-coming-into-the-real-world-to-find-only-ken-nominated-for-an-oscar/

Doctors uncover link between more children getting measles and their parents being gullible simpletons https://newsthump.com/2024/01/21/doctors-uncover-link-between-more-children-getting-measles-and-their-parents-being-gullible-simpletons/

Woman to flee country after farting during Yoga class https://newsthump.com/2024/01/11/woman-to-flee-country-after-farting-during-yoga-class-3/

Ron DeSantis exercises his ‘right to choose’ by aborting non-viable Presidential bid before full term https://newsthump.com/2024/01/21/ron-desantis-exercises-his-right-to-choose-by-aborting-non-viable-presidential-bid-before-full-term/

New study reveals Londoners never more than 6 feet away from a twat https://newsthump.com/2024/01/15/new-study-reveals-londoners-never-more-than-6-feet-away-from-a-twat/

Proud British patriots demand Elgin marbles be ‘sent back where they came’ from after learning they came here illegally on a small boat https://newsthump.com/2023/11/29/proud-british-patriots-demand-elgin-marbles-be-sent-back-where-they-came-from-after-learning-they-came-here-illegally-on-a-small-boat/

Man who spent the last few years mocking ‘virtue signallers’ pretty keen for you to notice his massive poppy https://newsthump.com/2023/11/07/man-who-spent-the-last-few-years-mocking-virtue-signallers-pretty-keen-for-you-to-notice-his-massive-poppy/

Country loses half a million man-hours trying to change the time on the nation’s ovens https://newsthump.com/2023/10/30/country-loses-half-a-million-man-hours-trying-to-change-the-time-on-the-nations-ovens/

Man who said killing children is the worst thing a human being can do pretty comfortable with plan to starve them https://newsthump.com/2023/10/12/man-who-said-killing-children-is-the-worst-thing-a-human-being-can-do-pretty-comfortable-with-plan-to-starve-them/

Experts discover the drop in visitors to Britain caused by ‘Britain being in Britain and full of British people’ https://newsthump.com/2023/09/29/experts-discover-the-drop-in-visitors-to-britain-caused-by-britain-being-in-britain-and-full-of-british-people/

Top priority for Tory government remains demonising refugees to distract from their inability to run country https://newsthump.com/2023/09/26/top-priority-for-tory-government-remains-demonising-refugees-to-distract-from-their-inability-to-run-country-2/

Elon Musk hails successful Neuralink trial in which implanted monkeys successfully used credit cards to pay for Twitter https://newsthump.com/2023/09/25/elon-musk-hails-successful-neuralink-trial-in-which-implanted-monkeys-successfully-used-credit-cards-to-pay-for-twitter/

Research shows new government tactic of ‘making up awful policies to take credit for cancelling’ them ‘only works on morons’ https://newsthump.com/2023/09/21/research-shows-new-government-tactic-of-making-up-awful-policies-to-take-credit-for-cancelling-them-only-works-on-morons/

Box junctions to be booby-trapped https://newsthump.com/2023/09/13/box-junctions-to-be-booby-trapped-2/

Every suspect in Russian Cluedo is Vladimir Putin https://newsthump.com/2023/08/24/every-suspect-in-russian-cluedo-is-vladimir-putin/

Branches of Costa on the verge of becoming entirely arsehole-free https://newsthump.com/2023/08/01/branches-of-costa-on-the-verge-of-becoming-entirely-arsehole-free/

To fix sewage pollution crisis we’ll need to raise executive bonuses by 40%, insist water companies https://newsthump.com/2023/06/28/to-fix-sewage-pollution-crisis-well-need-to-raise-executive-bonuses-by-40-insist-water-companies/