Why is it so hard to explain the difference between gender identity and gender expression to cis people?
Notices by Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 16-Jun-2023 16:06:43 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: -
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 16-Jun-2023 02:49:23 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail Oh I definitely will! I'm not too worried, especially since the T suppression seems to be working well, but I'll have to see what my doctor has to say.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 16-Jun-2023 02:17:30 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: Well, I already got my labs back from yesterday and my T has dropped from 41 ng/dL to 12 ng/dL since 2 months ago.
However, my estradiol is basically the same at 82 pg/mL (was 89 pg/mL) 🤔.
Hopefully my doctor will have some insight when I meet with her next week.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 08-Jun-2023 00:07:21 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail Oh I have considered that option multiple times. But my partner keeps saying "that's a bad idea Zoey" for some reason 🙄
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Wednesday, 07-Jun-2023 20:57:16 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: No matter how much I remember moving being terrible, it somehow never fails to be much worse than I remember. 😨
And I'm moving less than a block away :blob_sweat:
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Tuesday, 30-May-2023 13:36:26 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail Of course, I didn't intend to imply that HRT was in any way necessary to define transness. I'm very sorry if it came across that way.
I was more trying to express that for me it felt like an important signal/data point (a tool in some sense). In many ways, for me, it feels necessary if I ever want to be perceived as in any way female, but that is obviously not the case for everyone.
At any rate, I really appreciate your input, and it's given me a lot to think about. 💜
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Tuesday, 30-May-2023 11:39:53 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail These are all really good points. I've definitely had the feeling of needing to "prove it" if not to others then myself.
One of the reasons I wanted to start HRT (in addition to feeling like all the effects were very appealing) was to collect data. If I tried it and I hated it, then I'm probably cis (or maybe just not as trans as I thought 🤷♀️). But if I tried it and I loved it, that would also be useful data. But then it's just... Nice? Pleasant? Not horrible, not amazing.
At the end of the day, I'm still glad I'm trying it, but your note about focusing on personal joy regardless of gender is definitely an avenue to explore.
I'm starting to think my therapist's vacation is affecting me more than I expected.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Tuesday, 30-May-2023 04:12:21 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: I watched a video earlier this week from a detransitioner and it's been messing with my head.
I think I want to be a girl. I think I want to wear feminine clothes. I think I want to be perceived as female.
I know I like to be called Zoey, to be called she, to be called aunt. I find the idea of feminine clothes appealing, and I like the way they feel. But when I see myself wearing them, it looks wrong. Maybe it's because with everything I've tried, I can't see myself as anything but a man wearing women's clothing. And I know I don't want that.
I want to be trans.
I've held onto that thought, for months. That's got to mean something right? A cis person wouldn't want so hard to be trans. Wouldn't spend months scouring their personal history and feelings for signs.
But I did. And I found nothing. Or rather almost nothing. A few comments over the years. Some fear about increased body hair as I age. Fond memories of wearing my girlfriend's shorts, or my sister's clothes once or twice.
And then I look for euphoria, and it feels like there's very little there as well. I smile every time someone calls me 'she'. I like the way it feels to be tucked, and I've been wearing a bra every day for six months. I get excited when I buy and try on clothes. But it feels so mild. Transient.
I've been on HRT for two months, and I've been happy for or ambivalent to all of the changes. I'm loving the softer skin, less BO, and less greasy hair. All of the potential changes still sound really appealing, which they wouldn't to a cis person, right?
I wish all of this didn't feel so dangerous. I wish I could feel more certain. I wish society didn't care about gender. I wish I didn't care about gender.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Tuesday, 30-May-2023 04:12:16 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @SleepyCatten The bible was one of the things that first convinced me I might be trans (specifically reading the HRT effects, and realizing that they all sound really appealing). I think part of my problem is also comparing myself to people with stronger dysphoria than mine. It makes sense that mild dysphoria would equate to more mild euphoria.
But, yes, I do think this is something I want. And if I make it a few years down the line and change my mind, I don't think I'd begrudge myself for exploring. Even if there are permanent changes to live with.
Thank you for your perspective :heart_transgender:
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Saturday, 13-May-2023 23:40:17 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: Welp, today I said fuck it and came out to the rest of my family. My parents said they weren't shocked which ????
But everyone is really supportive :blob_melt_sob:. I feel like I won the lottery.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 11-May-2023 14:00:47 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail is there a problem 😇?
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 11-May-2023 12:44:56 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: Pickle Wine
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 28-Apr-2023 03:34:00 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail I haven't 👀! The movie poster makes it look amazing though, I'll have to check it out.
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Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: (zo@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 28-Apr-2023 02:03:58 JST Zoey🏳️⚧️:heart_eyes_cat_pan: @roadriverrail That sounds hard. I don't know if I'd have your strength 😜