My dear friend Steve told me two decades ago that what he had learned in his years of working with others could be boiled down to just two sentences.
1) Don't waste time.
2) Accept the whole person.
Rare wisdom, that.
My dear friend Steve told me two decades ago that what he had learned in his years of working with others could be boiled down to just two sentences.
1) Don't waste time.
2) Accept the whole person.
Rare wisdom, that.
I rose to it.
1) If you do not smoke, please please please don't start. It is a terrible thing.
2) When you see me do things like smoke, or quaff my ubiquitous diet cokes, or any of my other odd tics, you are not seeing what makes me an excellent programmer.
3) What you are seeing is an ND person who has found semi-acceptable means by which to pass as NT.
4) In the particular context, we were emphasizing that collaboration is king.
Here's a thing. I gave a short prezzie followed by an AMA on Thursday, for young persons, college-aged. It went well, thanks.
But in the *chat*, a student remarked on the fact that I was smoking. (I was outdoors, I work outdoors for as long as I can, about five months a year.)
And the student noted that I was a smoker, and that many hardcore devs seem to be smokers. And asked whether smoking helped people become pro geeks.
I've rarely been presented such a wonderful teaching moment.
@adamconover In college, I had my first relationship with a man. It was short-lived, but I've never forgotten the key aspect of it: Ben did an absolutely stellar job of convincing me that I was adorable and adored, and even hawt.
Hah, like a boss!
TIL: how to use the .ssh/config file to use different keys on different sites.
Drinks all around!
If an organization would sell me, for an annual fee, plus a per-game fee, the ability to watch any NBA game I chose to watch, I would fucking pay. I haven't watched any of my favorite professional sport for more than a year.
They won't sell it, so I can't buy it.
Do please relax. I have many friends, who speak and write many languages, and they honor me when they speak to me in English.
The funny part isn't some characterization of a people's language.
The funny part is how my mind is so sure that a Dutch language post is parse-able by me, even tho it is very much not parse-able by me, and how long it takes me to realize it.
What I love about my German, Spanish, French, Polish, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Farsi, Arabic, Hindi, the list goes on, friends, is that, at a single glance, I can tell their posts are in a different language than I know.
What I hate about my Dutch friends is how long it takes me staring at their posts to realize "wait, that's not English".
@franktaber @njwatt Heh. Makes me smile to know you haven't seen it.
The course is called "Leading Technical Change". I offer it sometimes.
Here's a link to learn about it, tho there is no open course offering.
https://www.geepawhill.org/courses/leading-technical-change/
@njwatt Same thing I teach in my course: create experiences, not arguments. What experience might you give that kid that would shift him towards the path you desire?
@JessTheUnstill Not tryna fight, I agree with your broad take here, but the goal isn't "that girls will be happy to love".
People are people, whatever their gender presentation, whatever their gender preference.
I ain't tryna help young men become attractive to girls. I'm tryna help them become people who have a central core of love, and kindness, and tolerance, and decency.
@canleaf No, god no, no. I'm sorry, did anything I say suggest that? I sure hope not.
@canleaf Yeah, I'm no MRA type. I get your suspicion. If you see me fucking up, call me on it.
@PaulaToThePeople Yes. No slur against *any* parents implied. Believe it or not, I wasn't even thinking of parents.
Parents are great -- when they're great -- without doubt.
Lotta kids got shitty parents, and some got no parents, and some get their parents stripped away from them by culture.
I wasn't in any way suggesting that having two moms was a problem.
Sorry if it came off that way.
@PaulaToThePeople Maybe.
For the record, my first ever male model beyond my dad was Tony. Tony was -- is, bless my heart he's almost 80 -- queer as a three-dollar bill, I mean, straight up, a complete queen.
I call him, once or twice a year, to remind him how much of a hero, a friend, a mentor, he was to me.
His sexual preferences, tho known to us as kids, were not a thing we cared about.
We cared about that he loved us, tolerated us, overlooked us, and never ever shut us down.
@Millhouse I'm not enraged by this take, but I will make 2 points:
1) Biological determinism, in this case references to "testosterone", is a very uncertain area. We actually have surprisingly little data, once we exclude studies that beg the question.
2) Some sports highlight aggression, but many sports don't. I think maybe it isn't sport, it's how we teach our boys and young men to experience sport.
@holsta I've never thought to ask permission. The two I mentioned were both in there 20s when we became close.
A couple days ago, I got 150 boosts and 300 stars for a mild rant about software development.
I wish I'd get 150 boosts for this OP.
(In re: two men, middle 40's, have reached out to me in the same week, one maybe 8 years since last contact, one >15 years since last contact, to say hi and check in with the "old man".
I didn't meet either one until their early 20s. No sage then, and no sage now, but I was an older man who cared about them, and modeled for them, however half-assedly and insufficiently.
You can help someone just by being open to them, I think. You don't have to be a saint, you just have to be a listener.)
Said it before, I'll say it again.
If we want better men, and we certainly do, we need to take better care of our boys.
Women can help with this, they really can, but ultimately, it's up to us men who have survived our masculinity, to the extent that we have, to serve.
Do it today. Even just a little.
Mentor a boy or a young man who could use even a *semi*-healthy male figure in their life.
It makes all the difference. It did for me, and I've sought to pay it forward. You can, too.
GrandPaw, Geek, Software Development Coach, Writer, Ass Pain. Continuously startled by people and people-stuff. Pronouns: Don't care, will respect yours. https://geepawhill.org
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