@FeartnTired @Lady_Penelope @astarsscreams Thankfully, I smell bullshit.

' The day after the birth, the nurse asked me what I wanted to call her. In the haze of no sleep, adrenaline and mixed emotions, I blurted out the first thing that came into my head: 'Crumpets'.

This is not how babies get named. You have until the baby is 6 weeks old to pick a sensible name and go get the birth certificate. That's 6 whole weeks for partner, friends, grandparents etc to talk some sense into you if you think Crumpets is an appropriate name for a person.