@BowsacNoodle @newt for me i always stood on top when it was with other boys, but when girls started to bully me, it just fucked me up man, with other boys eventually i'd just have enough of it and beat them, but with girls it was different.
it was not like i was chivalrous or smthn, to me it was like a rule in my soul that "you never hit girls", which basically meant i didn't know how to retaliate against things like peer pressure and such, the most evil one had me do some very shameful things, i hate her so much man.

it's shameful but took me a while to start being able to look at women face to face, for a while i wasn't even able to breathe if i was too close to one.

thankfully i can talk to them fine now, my Conversion to Christianity helped me a lot with that ngl, since not only am i aware of how God protects me, but also since i am a Christian now i don't have to worry about anything sensual until after marriage and use that as a shield, unironically such a strong gift when it comes to this