@Rasp Isn't it also about what you tell yourself? Maybe try to tell you a bit less that you want to die. It's obviously not true, as you are still alive. You want to be happier, actually, right? Aren't there ways to meet other people with similar troubles, so one can support each other? As a first step. Do you have any more positive wishes than dying? Focussing on those might also give you some emotional energy?!