@lirazel
Personally I try to be aware of the topics people tend to be defensive about, and to recognise when defensiveness is happening. And will usually drop the discussion if it looks like it's going that way.
But! I'm really curious too and want to Understand All the Things. So sometimes I miss the signals & keep asking questions anyway.
At those times, I try to be forgiving of everyone involved, including myself.
Some things are *hard* to discuss.