Incoming words. Not 3.5K but just my thoughts.

I can't answer for the wife, but I suspect a lot of people let slip their fetishes and stuff to see who is supportive of them when courting potential mates. His wife might have been onboard from the beginning.

It is like James Gunn and the pedo jokes. People sometimes out their weirdness to see who is accepting of it and who isn't. I think if a joke comes up too often in someone's repitore you should be concerned. On that note, going to lay off the dead hooker jokes for a little bit.

As to the public face being different from the private face, sometimes guilt fuels these things. See: male feminist and other religious conservatives who turned out to be sexual predators, have extreme fetishes, or be the biggest faggots you could ever imagine.

I don't know how often this guy preached against homosexuality or transgender stuff but what I am saying is if a person obsesses over something too much, especially if they hyper focus, you should be concerned.

I don't know what to do. No one likes a moralfag. You want to be supportive and helpful, not a nag. And in the case of the 'secret life' stuff it would be disasterous to accuse them of it. If you read too far into something then you insult them, if you are right you just scare them back into their shell.

All I know is if someone comes out as a tranny to you be a friend and try to get them to stop, or at the very least keep them from going further into it. If they aren't being open and public about it it is probably because they know it is wrong.

Best advice I can think of on how to deal with this.