@GalacticTurtle I grew up in a very appearance-focused household. My mom was prideful of her looks and hyper conscious with her weight, which she struggled with after having kids. I understood that my appearance was central to my value because I was female as early as I can remember. My sister idolized fashion and models starting in grade school and I just wanted to copy my sister, so I internalized the whole "skinny = good". Nature gifted me with a high metabolism and a banana-shaped figure so I didn't really look in the mirror and think that my body was wrong most of the time. That only changed once I got in a relationship with a guy who was unhappy with my body, mostly due to his own porn addiction, and that combined with getting my first signs of aging fucked me up for a little while.

Coming to terms with sexual dimorphism and post-pubescent males having greater strength was a very bitter pill for a young me. That messed me up a lot. I was a tall kid and always one of the faster/stronger girls and I never had problems keeping up with the boys - running, wrestling, tree climbing, etc. I always had it in my head that ALL sexism was a lie but it turned out men were, in fact, naturally stronger once puberty started hitting.

Working physically demanding jobs helped with feeling inferior due to physical strength. It was incredibly helpful to see how many men, despite being much stronger than me, still had significantly less fortitude and tolerance for pain/discomfort (aka they were big whiny babies). Going on long kayaking and backcountry camping trips also taught me how little value brute strength actually has when it comes to survival/self-sufficiency vs things like knowledge, observation, dexterity, and patience.

As for grappling with insecurities around my appearance, I hate to admit it but just banging another guy helped enormously with the insecurities my ex had left me with. But more than that, the more I immersed myself in radical feminist theory, the less I wanted to appeal to men anyway. Feeling insecure around looking older mainly stemmed from the general fear of getting older, once I confronted that I started embracing my now VERY numerous grey hairs