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There's always a lot of talk about women, girls, and body image. A lot of this talk, in its presentation and focus, puzzles me.
But as a question for the room: What played the biggest role in your life when it comes to your own sense of body image? And if you ever classified there being an "issue" with your own sense of body image, what helped (or would help) to improve it? I’ll start with an example.
The primary shaper of my body image was athletics. To be able to go to a place each day to both push and control my body more than the day prior translating to improvement in competitions was a source of pride. Beauty was not a thing that was readily on my mind for most of my childhood. Ability, however, was. I think my self-esteem was at its highest after the most exhausting sports games in which I or my team ended up victorious… or at the very least put up an admirable fight. And it was at my lowest when I busted my knee and couldn’t play any sports for a year. But even the recovery process had its own clear goals and milestones so I wouldn't classify that as being a "body image issue."
The secondary shaper of my body image was an early instance of exposure to pornographic material at the age of twelve. It terrified me that my natural body which - up until that point - I had no issues with, was supposedly designed for penetration by unstoppable outside forces. I had no prior knowledge or even basic conceptualization of genitalia or the reproductive process. I wasn’t even fully certain that I was reading about sex. That really was my first notable instance of seeing my body not through my own eyes and my own desires, but through the eyes and desires of others. It was terrifying and remains as such to this day.
These primary and secondary shapers came to a head in what was supposed to be a fun boys vs. girls lacrosse game at the start of high school. As an angsty teenager, I was uncertain about cautious about most things, but the one thing that I was certain and confident about was that I was a very good lacrosse player. I hadn’t been benched during a game since I fully grasped what the rules were and even when running on fumes I was still faster than most of the competition.
The coaches heavily modified the rules so the girls at least had a chance of getting some points in against the boys. But for an hour I was still effortlessly outmaneuvered by boys a head taller than me who weren’t breaking a sweat, like a bicycle vs. a motorcycle. And in the wake of that, I went into a bit of a severe if temporary panic that just translated to me being very quiet.
I think the biggest asset to finding complete comfort in my own body would be... knowing how to beat the crap out of people. 😂
But I think general strength and endurance training is the most realistic substitute. Becoming capable of something today that I could not do as well yesterday.
In other words, back to basics.
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@GalacticTurtle >seeing my body not through my own eyes and my own desires, but through the eyes and desires of others.
This is basically what people mean by body image. How they imagine others see their body. I have no idea how my body looks, I know I'm tall and skinny and I don't care how I appear to others. I mean sometimes I wonder how I look like from the outside in movement but it's not something that gives me insecurities, it's just curiosity. Having a body image at all is a sign of intense self-monitoring and dissociation.
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@GalacticTurtle I grew up in a very appearance-focused household. My mom was prideful of her looks and hyper conscious with her weight, which she struggled with after having kids. I understood that my appearance was central to my value because I was female as early as I can remember. My sister idolized fashion and models starting in grade school and I just wanted to copy my sister, so I internalized the whole "skinny = good". Nature gifted me with a high metabolism and a banana-shaped figure so I didn't really look in the mirror and think that my body was wrong most of the time. That only changed once I got in a relationship with a guy who was unhappy with my body, mostly due to his own porn addiction, and that combined with getting my first signs of aging fucked me up for a little while.
Coming to terms with sexual dimorphism and post-pubescent males having greater strength was a very bitter pill for a young me. That messed me up a lot. I was a tall kid and always one of the faster/stronger girls and I never had problems keeping up with the boys - running, wrestling, tree climbing, etc. I always had it in my head that ALL sexism was a lie but it turned out men were, in fact, naturally stronger once puberty started hitting.
Working physically demanding jobs helped with feeling inferior due to physical strength. It was incredibly helpful to see how many men, despite being much stronger than me, still had significantly less fortitude and tolerance for pain/discomfort (aka they were big whiny babies). Going on long kayaking and backcountry camping trips also taught me how little value brute strength actually has when it comes to survival/self-sufficiency vs things like knowledge, observation, dexterity, and patience.
As for grappling with insecurities around my appearance, I hate to admit it but just banging another guy helped enormously with the insecurities my ex had left me with. But more than that, the more I immersed myself in radical feminist theory, the less I wanted to appeal to men anyway. Feeling insecure around looking older mainly stemmed from the general fear of getting older, once I confronted that I started embracing my now VERY numerous grey hairs
GalacticTurtle
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