>be on vacation in bongland
>see OceanRedux gliding down the sidewalk
>like a graceful penguin with gout
>follow her for a block
>working up courage
>gently touch her shoulder
“H-hello, I’m Anon. Y-you’re the prettiest girl I’ve seen all day! W-would you join me for dinner?”
>she spins around nearly smashing me in the balls with a dripping backpack
>stares intently for a few moments
>then breaks into a grin that looks like she could eat an apple through a chain link fence
“YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SOME FREE GRUB ANNA LITTLE OF THE OL IN OUT!”
>quickly grab her hand and go into the first restaurant I see that has tablecloths
“FAKKIN ELL! POSH ERE INNIT? GLAD I PUT SUM KNICKERS ON!
>she lets out a little giggle that sounds like a horse with it’s leg caught in a wood chipper
>head waiter gives me the stinkeye but leads us to a table
>Ocean cocks her head and squints at the menu
“ERE NOW, WATS THIS SHITE? IT’S ORL IN FAKKIN FRENCH! OI CARNT READ THIS, I’LL END UP GETTIN A PLATE OF FAKKIN SNAILS WUNNOI?!?”
>look at the menu. It’s in English, just a fancy script
>she shoves her menu at the waiter
“I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OF LIKKER ON THA MASH, GUV!”
“I’m sorry, madam, we don-“
“I SED FAKKIN PIE AND MASH M8! AND A PINTA LARGER FOR ME EDACHE!”
>he slinks away without even taking my order
Ocean pulls a pack of Mayfairs from her cleavage and sparks up, ashing in the bread basket
>starts rubbing at her crotch
>brings her fingers up and licks them then cackles
“JOLLY FAKKIN ELL, IT’S ME TIME! OI LUV GITTIN SHAGGED ONNA RAG! GUNNA AVE US A RED WEDDIN INNA LOO, AIN’T WE?”
>look over my shoulder and franticly signal the waiter for the check
>turn around
>Ocean is slumped over the table
>raped to death by Pakis

mfw