@taedryn Of course going solo felt fragile. You were likely about to engage in behavior that had previously felt "forbidden". Without others around to help you feel safe and in community, that's a pretty natural feeling. And you list a bunch of mitigating factors, too, that are going to pile on to that.
But I think I'm saying it may have not been "something you did" that rescued the trip but rather that you experienced self-acceptance and self-assurance by reflex.