Though I suppose Jehovah's Witnesses are Calvinist, iirc (hitting all 5 points)

Still lol. Boogeyman, if Jehovah's Witnesses are the big shadow.

Supposedly Presbyterians are labelled Calvinist, but I've yet to meet a Presbyterian who is--of either PCA or PCUSA.
Maybe the--forget what it's called--Evangelical Presbyterians of America (or something like that) are.

Predistination (not Calvinist) seems more common (and not common at all), yet gets the "Calvinist!" cry (I've received this) to the same misattributed/not getting it tune as ourguys getting the "Republican!" cry (I've received this)