timberwraith
Since I'm Polish, I think I can repurpose all of the jokes that were once aimed at us. Here goes...
1) The united states navy has commissioned a new class of warship built with glass bottoms, to see to the old united states navy.
2) An american loan shark lends out all of his money, and then skips town.
3) Two american hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT." So they went home.
timberwraith
A third customer comes into the bar. As with the others, the AI bartender asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The customer replied, "80."
The bartender then said, "So, how are things in the united states these days?"
timberwraith
16) Q: Did you hear the one about the american submarine with a screen door?
A: Don't laugh, it keeps the fish out.
17) Q: Did you hear that the u.s. army just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive them, they're going to invade Iran.
timberwraith
18) These two americans are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away.
This goes on for a while, and finally his
friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
The buddy gets exasperated and says, "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"
timberwraith
19) A popular bar in Canada had a new AI powered bartender installed.
A woman came in for a drink and the AI bartender asked her, "What's your IQ?"
The woman replied, "130." So the bartender proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.
She listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
timberwraith
Another person came in for a drink and the AI bartender asked him, "What's your IQ?"
He responded, "120." So the bartender started talking about the World Cup, dirt bikes, and so on.
The customer thought to himself,
"Wow, this is really cool."
timberwraith
"HOLY SHIT! That was way too close!" exclaimed the captain. "That runway was SHORT!"
"Yeah!" said the copilot, "And WIDE too!"
timberwraith
13) Did you hear the tragic news about the u.s. hockey team? They all drowned in spring training.
timberwraith
14) Did you hear what the american Olympic team did with all their gold medals? After they returned home, they had them bronzed.
15) Q: Did you hear about the american helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so they turned off the fan.
timberwraith
12) An american passenger plane was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"
The copilot confirmed the pilot's observation. "Wow! You're right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"We better, because we're almost out of fuel."
timberwraith
So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to prepare for an emergency landing.
Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The plane came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating and the copilot was praying.
They touched down and came to a screeching halt JUST before the edge of the runway, with their tires smoking.
timberwraith
4) Did you hear in the news that a Boeing passenger flight lost control and crashed into a cemetery in the united states? Government officials have retrieved 2000 bodies so far.
5) Q: Why do american police cars have stripes on the side?
A: So the cops can find the handles.
6) Q: How many americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.
timberwraith
7) Did you hear about the u.s. admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died? Five sailors died digging his grave.
8) Q: Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
A: Bubba the Fire Prevention Bear of the u.s. forest service.
9) Did you hear about the most recent tragedy in the united states? In america's largest shopping mall, there was a power outage which left people stranded on the escalators for 4 hours.
timberwraith
10) Two american truck drivers are barreling along when they encounter a restricted overpass. A sign reads, "Clearance: 11"2'."
So they get out of their truck, they measure the vehicle's height, and they realize that it's 11"6'.
So, the one truck driver looks at the other one and says, "I don't see any cops around... Let's go for it!"
timberwraith
11) Someone just shared this one, via DM:
Reuters: Reporters have received eyewitness accounts of u.s. ground troops throwing sticks of dynamite at Iranian tanks.
Iranian tank personnel have responded by picking up the sticks of dynamite, lighting them, and throwing them back at u.s. troops.
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