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   Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 15:48:48 JST Adrianna Tan

   One of the reasons I think I’ve always been drawn to photography: I have #aphantasia. I can’t ’make up’ images in my head. I don’t have *any* images in my head.

   ‘Imagine a palm tree swaying..’ I can imagine the breeze and the smell of the scene. But I can’t see the palm tree. Or the sea. Or the beach.

   I have no visual dreams. In my dreams. I can feel space and sense smell: the smell of a crowded, smoky bar in a dream is far more vivid than any picture I can make up, because there is no picture.

   Photography helps me remember things I have seen.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 15:56:03 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Michael Gurski

     @emag there hyper-phantasia!

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     Michael Gurski (emag@strangeplace.me)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 15:56:04 JST Michael Gurski

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     @skinnylatte this is... Fascinating to me. Most of my life, I've imagined or dreamed visual representations of problems I've been subconsciously trying to work out. Like, I've literally dreamed imaginary constructs that represent programming problems I've had.

     It shouldn't surprise me that others don't, but it still floors me that someone may not be able to visualize something. It's rather humbling.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:01:58 JST Adrianna Tan

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     I also don’t have an inner voice. Nothing that says ‘do this, don’t do that’. It’s hard to describe but the inside of my head feels like:

     A wall of text.

     Yep, I perceive the world mostly verbally. This may be why I find reading very natural.

     As an autistic person, I used to struggle with direct speech when I was younger because I could not translate my thoughts (which feel like academic writing in my head) to direct, spoken speech.

     And then doing that in the several languages I was brought up in.

     Some people think you can possibly ‘think’ without visuals or voices or loud thoughts, but there’s a reason I do most of my thinking through writing. It feels far more direct and easy for me.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:13:11 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Keira (She/Her)

     @keira_reckons my sense of direction is excellent. I can’t figure out why, though. Even without a map or gps. I’m not manipulating visuals or cardinal directions in my head. It just ‘feels’ right (or I developed coping mechanisms, like being much more observant about buildings or other landmarks).

     Object placement is zero. I don’t notice most physical objects (a perennial problem.. my wife just asked me what i thought of a new brightly colored bed sheets, and I had not noticed).

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     Keira (She/Her) (keira_reckons@aus.social)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:13:12 JST Keira (She/Her)

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     @skinnylatte what is your sense of direction like? Or your memory for object placement?

     I ask because if I were to give directions, I literally look in my mind, at either a map, or the turns themselves. Same for remembering where something is in a cupboard - I look at the image of the cupboard in my mind.

     And I navigate a new place by thinking, yep, I saw that red shop, where is it?

     So I'm interested to know how you do those things. I'm sure your brain will just have a different approach.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:18:31 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Keira (She/Her)

     @keira_reckons doesn’t matter where objects are. I will never find them. I have no object permanence

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     Keira (She/Her) (keira_reckons@aus.social)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:18:32 JST Keira (She/Her)

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     @skinnylatte interesting!

     Does the object placement thing mean it's better for you if things are always in the same place? Or does it just not matter?

     Brains are so odd. I really like all the differences.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:21:12 JST Adrianna Tan

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     Words, in every language I speak, and cadence, rhythm, are strongly associated with feelings for me.

     Sometimes when I write, I feel like there is a sense of a phrase ‘feeling right’ or ‘colorful’. Evocative, but to me I am also writing without visual input. I can ‘sense’ tone, color, grief, intense feeling through words, but I cannot see it.

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     Keira (She/Her) (keira_reckons@aus.social)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:22:34 JST Keira (She/Her)

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     @skinnylatte wow. I can't imagine that for myself.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:22:34 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Keira (She/Her)

     @keira_reckons I literally don’t remember what clothes I’ve ever had or where they are. Sometimes I see a photo of a shirt I once had and I’m like oh where is it? But I haven’t even remembered that I ever had it.

     This is why fashion is very challenging for me. I also can’t ‘see’ myself with various outfits

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     Michael Gurski (emag@strangeplace.me)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:24:47 JST Michael Gurski

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     • Keira (She/Her)

     @skinnylatte @keira_reckons would it be correct to assume that you can look at, say, a map of an amusement park and immediately know both where you are and where you want to go?

     Or just have an intrinsic notion across a geographic area of what's where, how to get there, and how to get back? Most of my attempts of giving directions seem to fall flat, though they make sense to *me*.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:24:47 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Michael Gurski
     • Keira (She/Her)

     @emag @keira_reckons yep it just feels intrinsic to me. Possibly from exposure (my mother can’t read a map but she is never lost, even in places she’s never been)

     I’m sort of the same.

     It’s a bit like my other autistic thing where: because normal social cues are so hard for me, maybe I have my own things I’m picking up on, that actually makes me more observant on things that others don’t pick up.

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     Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:34:02 JST Adrianna Tan

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     • Michael Gurski
     • Keira (She/Her)

     @keira_reckons @emag possibly why I am very lost in places that aren’t cities.

     Lack of pattern matching then

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     Keira (She/Her) (keira_reckons@aus.social)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:34:03 JST Keira (She/Her)

     in reply to

     • Michael Gurski

     @emag @skinnylatte I wonder if it's subconscious noticing. Picking up on the (mostly) uniform constants of cities. So just sort of knowing where the market probably is based on the foot traffic and shops etc.

     I have a fair bit of that going on, but also, can see the actual map if I've seen it and paid attention.

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     Michael Gurski (emag@strangeplace.me)'s status on Saturday, 19-Apr-2025 16:34:04 JST Michael Gurski

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     • Keira (She/Her)

     @skinnylatte @keira_reckons yeah, I infuriate or at least confound the people I'm with when I say "we need to go this way to get to this location", and, no, I can't explain why I know it. It's just... My ground truth. It's what it is, where we're going, and the way we get there, and we will.