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   Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 08:51:24 JST Evan Prodromou

   Is there a word for when you're rude and insulting, but couch it in a way that sounds like you're trying to be helpful?

   Like, I dunno, suggesting someone consider using conditioner so their hair doesn't look Like That?

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 08:54:58 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     I think concern trolling might be close to the term I'm looking for.

     https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/concern-troll/

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 08:57:19 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     No, I'm not sure. It seems to have a lot of different definitions, though!

     https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/concern_troll

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 09:16:21 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Aaron Williamson

     @copiesofcopies so, I think that's the cover story. Like, "I am so clueless that I don't realize it's rude and hurtful, I'm just trying to help. It would be mean for you to point it out! So you have to take what I say at face value."

   • Embed this notice
     Aaron Williamson (copiesofcopies@social.coop)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 09:16:22 JST Aaron Williamson

     in reply to

     @evan maybe this is just plain meddling.

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 11:26:42 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Aaron Williamson

     @copiesofcopies it's a fair point!

   • Embed this notice
     Aaron Williamson (copiesofcopies@social.coop)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 11:26:43 JST Aaron Williamson

     in reply to

     @evan I dunno man. I’ve my battleship sunk on this one. I once had a friend ask me if I ever thought about whitening my teeth, and I was, “why are you trying you make me in your image?” And her (honest, heartfelt) response was, “If someone told be about something I could improve, I’d want to know!”

     I walked away thinking differently about those kinds of interactions.

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 11:35:23 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Sebastiaan Ammerlaan 🇳🇱

     @bammerlaan not too far off.

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     Sebastiaan Ammerlaan 🇳🇱 (bammerlaan@mastodon.nl)'s status on Monday, 24-Mar-2025 11:35:24 JST Sebastiaan Ammerlaan 🇳🇱

     in reply to

     @evan It's not this exactly, but it reminds me of the fallacy Apophasis: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophasis

     There's probably another fallacy that fits the bill better. There's a whole list of 'em, many of them from the early Greeks: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetorical_device

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Tuesday, 25-Mar-2025 00:25:24 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Stefano Maffulli

     @ed yes.

   • Embed this notice
     Stefano Maffulli (ed@social.opensource.org)'s status on Tuesday, 25-Mar-2025 00:25:25 JST Stefano Maffulli

     in reply to

     @evan Concern trolling is still trolling, right? :)