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   Chicken :cqlgusu: (lookitmychicken@blorbo.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Mar-2025 11:19:06 JST Chicken :cqlgusu:

   So far today I have been hurting my own feelings by watching some recent #skz content that has made me think a lot of angsty bordering-on-rpf thoughts.

   I don't really know how to talk about these thoughts to anyone. Other than one person who is no longer available to bounce the thoughts off. That hurts too.

   It's a big messy ball of ouch, and I don't know if can untangle it, or I should stuff it into a box and never look at it again.

   Perhaps my not-quite-rpf thoughts belong on @ChickenRPF ??

   I don't know what to do with thoughts that aren't really fic yet, but could *become* fic, but probaby won't ever actually become fic because I lack the skill and determination to get them into fic format.

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     Chicken :cqlgusu: (lookitmychicken@blorbo.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Mar-2025 11:26:44 JST Chicken :cqlgusu:

     in reply to

     I write copious notes to myself in my private discord server, and put links to bits of video etc, and then they just sit there forever.

     It feels like there's a spectrum with actual observed facts at one end, and 'canon-compliant' real-person fic at the other end.

     For me personally, both ends of the spectrum are fine to share and to talk about.

     (I know RPF in general is *not* fine for many people, and I try to use keywords etc in ways that let people filter that out if they're not comfortable with it.)

     It's that middle ground between observed facts and canon-compliant RPF that feels as though it's *not* fine to talk about in public. It's delusional and/or invasive and/or inappropriate and/or whatever whatever

     It would be easier if my own thoughts tended towards RPF AUs, instead of canon-compliant RPF. But instead my brain wants to latch on to all the interactions and undertones and body language and etc from 'canon', and turn them into a narrative that seems consistent and satisfying to me.

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     Chicken :cqlgusu: (lookitmychicken@blorbo.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Mar-2025 11:30:52 JST Chicken :cqlgusu:

     in reply to

     I want to invent the missing scenes that would fit with known and observed events. I want to read other people's invented missing scenes that do the same, but in different ways to what I've imagined. I want to know everything about these people, and speculate about all the things that I don't know and cannot know.

     I don't know if it's okay to feel like this. It feels like maybe it is not okay. It feels like maybe one day I'll look back at this obsession(?) and say: self, what the actual fuck.

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     Chicken :cqlgusu: (lookitmychicken@blorbo.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Mar-2025 11:37:55 JST Chicken :cqlgusu:

     in reply to

     I don't know what it is about some people that sparks this RPF-adjacent obsession.

     There are many artists where I'm a huge fan of their work, greatly enjoy everything they do, and do not care at all about their personal lives.

     There are a few artists in the past where I got deeply invested in their private lives for a while, was hungry for any detail ... and then it faded after a while.

     For example: If Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan actually end up getting married next year (widely-held expectation among their fans), I'll be happy for them. And that's all. Which might sound like a fairly normal reaction to most people. But Chicken-from-2-years-ago would not believe that Chicken-now could be so uninterested in it.