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   timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Saturday, 08-Feb-2025 07:03:58 JST timberwraith

   There are days when I am eternally thankful that asexuality and plurality have rendered me as "intimate relationship inert" as humans go.

   Although, I think I'm pushing the boundaries of what's "human" at this point.

   And that's fine. I like odd. Odd is my normal.

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     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Saturday, 08-Feb-2025 07:05:08 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     I was mulling this over last night after reading a YA novel where two of the main female characters are completely smitten with each other and are in the midst of the intensity of infatuation.

     And when I remember how that felt during the beginning of the 3 romantic relationships that I have had in my life, I felt utterly repulsed.

     Like, trauma-repulsed. Those emotions felt awful to me. I *really* don't like them.

     Mr. Bill repeated this.
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     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Saturday, 08-Feb-2025 07:05:08 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     Now, I know for a lot of people, those heady, obsessive, "Whee!" intense feelings of attraction and need that mark the start of romantic involvement are a thing that a good part of humanity seeks out, hopes for, and revels in.

     I get that.

     But uh, it feels like shit to me. Like an addictive, bad drug that punches holes in my well being.

     And the net effect is generally that I inevitably break free from the relationship and flee at some point, hurting both myself and the other person.

     Not good.

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     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Saturday, 08-Feb-2025 07:05:09 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     I *have* dipped my toe in the realm of romantic/physically intimate relationships in the past, to a limited extent.

     And what I learned is that the outcome is always emotionally toxic for me, regardless of who I'm with. I'm not wired in a way that makes this possible without hurting myself and the other person.

     So, I don't bother at this point. Also, I just don't feel the need? Now that I understand that I'm not wired for this to work, it all became a big shrug for me.