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   Paul-Gabriel Wiener (wearshats@realsocial.life)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 18:44:15 JST Paul-Gabriel Wiener

   I'm exhausted. I'm burnt out from chronic exhaustion. Every day I think I'd be better off just not waking up anymore. I'm not allowed that yet. There's a small chance my ability to sleep can still be marginally improved. It'll take months to find out. But I've wanted to cash in for several years now, and, for the most part, I regret waiting. But I don't know how to talk about it. I deal with it every day. I don't want to wear people down. No point repeating myself. But...

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     Antiqueight (antiqueight@mastodon.ie)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 18:44:14 JST Antiqueight

     in reply to

     @WearsHats
     can you talk to a therapist/counsellor about it without them trying to treat it as some kind of danger sign?
     I mean, I hate that you feel that way, not because you shouldn't, but because I hate that your experience has been such that it's a reasonable response...
     I think being able to talk about it with someone might be a relief.

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     Antiqueight (antiqueight@mastodon.ie)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 19:26:09 JST Antiqueight

     in reply to

     @WearsHats damn. That sucks. I strongly believe being able to talk about it with someone not emotionally involved is helpful, but not if they are not good enough at listening.
     I remember how comforting it was to know that there could be a world where it all just ended. To know that it was always an option- out there. That this didn't have to go on. Even though I never really wanted to take it. Countries like Switzerland must have people...

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     Paul-Gabriel Wiener (wearshats@realsocial.life)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 19:26:10 JST Paul-Gabriel Wiener

     in reply to

     • Antiqueight

     @Antiqueight I've never once found a therapist who was at all helpful, no matter how well intentioned. They don't understand my point of view. They project what they think I'm "really" thinking or how I should obviously be feeling, and can't get past that, no matter what I say. They never have anything useful to offer I haven't realized for myself.

     My parents support me no matter what I choose, though they really want to find a way to improve matters.

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     Antiqueight (antiqueight@mastodon.ie)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 20:06:03 JST Antiqueight

     in reply to

     @WearsHats they made a movie about a guy in a chair who makes that decision. I caught it by accident, more than half over. I was surprised that the ending didn't shy away. It's about his family looking for a way to give him reasons not to. And he does fall in love. But it doesn't change his reality.

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     Paul-Gabriel Wiener (wearshats@realsocial.life)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 20:06:07 JST Paul-Gabriel Wiener

     in reply to

     • Antiqueight

     @Antiqueight It's always been my experience, ever since I was a kid.

     I do remember as a teen feeling relieved knowing that being diabetic gave me an out. Just knowing that was an option helped a lot, even though I didn't intend to take it. Surviving turning 30 with no progress wasn't easy, but I found I wanted to try.

     But about 5 years ago, I realized I was ready. That was a big change, and I haven't gone back.

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     Antiqueight (antiqueight@mastodon.ie)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 21:38:04 JST Antiqueight

     in reply to

     @WearsHats from what I saw, they did it well. It wasn't happy ever after. He went ahead with his plans, but it wasn't entirely a sad ending either. It just recognised that sometimes there isn't a way out.
     It was a story needing to be told. Though I didn't see even most of the film.

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     Paul-Gabriel Wiener (wearshats@realsocial.life)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 21:38:05 JST Paul-Gabriel Wiener

     in reply to

     • Antiqueight

     @Antiqueight That's a tough line to walk. Even try to bring it up in the disability community and they'll shout about eugenics and ableism, trying to make people believe that it's moral and merciful to get rid of disabled people.

     But sometimes quality of life just isn't possible. Although part of me wishes I could find love. But then I worry about how selfish it is. Especially after seeing someone try to hold on to his girlfriend by threatening his life if she left him.

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     Antiqueight (antiqueight@mastodon.ie)'s status on Sunday, 25-Aug-2024 21:39:00 JST Antiqueight

     in reply to

     @WearsHats in the end I believe it comes down to who is making the decision and why.