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   Antonius Marie ⚧ (melindrea@beige.party)'s status on Monday, 13-May-2024 22:06:24 JST Antonius Marie ⚧

   • The #ActuallyAutistic Coach ?

   @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
   - That you're not a real autist (mainly by society, this is not directed at people following the hashtag or group) if you masked well enough to not be discovered until you were an adult

   - Tying into the above: that if you don't fit into the narrow view of yesteryears of what autism is (which often includes being white and male ...), you're also not autistic

   - That high/low functioning is a sliding scale on one axle: if you're "low functioning" within one area, that means you are in *all* areas, and that if you're "high functioning" then you never need any support

   - That high/low functioning is a useful metric in any way. This ties into the prior one: yes, knowing for each individual what support they need is important, but a non-verbal person with a special interest tying into something like programming and who gets to WFH might do a *lot* better than someone who on the surface seems allistic because they know how to do smalltalk, they know how to do these various things ... but no one looks behind the curtain where the person is exhausted all the time due to social interactions, deadlines, etc

   - That you *can*, if you just want to

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     Hugs4friends ♾🇺🇦 🇵🇸😷 (tooden@aus.social)'s status on Monday, 13-May-2024 22:06:34 JST Hugs4friends ♾🇺🇦 🇵🇸😷

     in reply to

     • The #ActuallyAutistic Coach ?

     @melindrea The last sentence pretty much covers it. However one views it, Autism is Disabling, because 'to mask' is harmful to us, and not masking exposes us to unwarranted, harmful criticism and ridicule. Damned if we do, and damned if we don't. I also got told, by the parent of an #ActuallyAutistic teenager, that Autism was an excuse for being lazy and stubborn. His son is not living with a supportive parent😕 @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

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     Antonius Marie ⚧ (melindrea@beige.party)'s status on Monday, 13-May-2024 22:06:46 JST Antonius Marie ⚧

     in reply to

     • Hugs4friends ♾🇺🇦 🇵🇸😷
     • The #ActuallyAutistic Coach ?

     @Tooden @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Yep.

     I'm now in my 40s, and for the last few years I've worked with specialists (a pain clinic) that also includes a psychiatrist (they're a cross-discipline team, working with both physial and mental drs and therapists), and we went from "oh, maybe Mel can work 50% ... okay, maybe Mel can work 25%? ... well, it doesn't look like Mel can work at all" and I've literally needed therapy to accept that. Once I did accept it I *did* get into a better headspace ("only" need to figure out money now >.<) ... but I haven't talked much about this to parts of my family. And I got confirmation of why a couple of months ago: My oldest sister stating that she hoped that the unemployment agency (who wrote a certificate that we've tried everything, I can't do it) didn't do it "just because you've given up". And also was quick to claim that the difference between me and my (decently successful siblings) is that I've "always had an easier time giving up".

     Which ... Hurt a lot. And while they 100% have worked for what they have, don't get me wrong ... I have *tried*. I have tried so hard that I almost worked myself into an early grave. So, to get the "lazy" thing thrown into my face was ... not fun.

     (the note from the agency includes "Mel is very loyal, ambitious and wants to work, but we have gotten to the conclusion that no matter how much they want to, they can't")

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