Bæ Grylls
It’s going to be interesting when I release “The Politics Of.. Love.”
We’re going to see how many of the people who made the point about holding for men being vulnerable about things like betrayal, heartbreak, abandonment, mental health, and the trauma that comes with truly meant that and who was just merely dropping sound bites because pretending to care about how these things *actually* affect men remains an excellent way to dunk on the ignorant and accrue social currency.
Bæ Grylls
The worst thing about patriarchy is how it’s influenced a lot of non-men to believe they are not complicit in furthering it; never mind how their praxis in dealing or interacting with men is steeped in it.
Bæ Grylls
Actually, there’s an even worse bit about patriarchy: the categorically false assumption that only certain bits of patriarchy need dismantling and those bits are exclusively for men to deal while non-men await their liberation.
Imagine being a person who believes a system designed to shoehorn everyone into a rigid form of order and oppression can be taken apart by only focusing on half of the disparities.
It’d just be easier to say you hate men and keep it pushing.
Bæ Grylls
I say “it’d be easier to just say you hate men” but frankly, I should stop saying that because hating men isn’t solving a damn thing and won’t any time soon.
Men hate men. Non-men hate men. Not all of the reasons for doing so are understandable and fewer still are justifiable.
The real challenge in my view is multifaceted. For example: we could do with the abolishment of systems that effectively criminalise the existence of boys and young men before they’ve even had a chance to be themselves.
Bæ Grylls
Also: maybe it’s just me but as a queer Black man, being hated for simply existing does quite a bit of damage to the ol’ psyche there.
I struggled for years to figure out why the whole “Kill All Men” thing made me so uncomfortable and then I started to see the parallels. The pathology in distrusting men like that aforementioned sentiment implies isn’t dissimilar from when anti-Black people or queerphobes of all stripes attempt to intellectualise their bigotry.
Bæ Grylls
If I weaponised my being domestically assaulted and/or abused by either of the two cis women I was in a relationship with years ago and took all that frustration and pain out on women indiscriminately, I’d be no better than Elliott goddamn Rodger.
Instead, I work tirelessly to push past that pain and see the humanity in the people who harmed me. I work tirelessly to heal from their sordid treatment of me because I steadfastly refuse to allow them to make the decision to harden my heart.
Bæ Grylls
If you, a non-man, want to harm or even kill men, then quit it with the faux-intellectualism go get your revenge.
The raw, inconvenient truth of the matter is simply thus: no boy, no young man, and no grown ass man deserves to be treated like shit just because you have either the inability or the unwillingness to trust them.
Men deserve love AND protection just like non-men do. If that statement angers you, congratulations! You’re part of the problem patriarchy created.
Bæ Grylls
@DavidPetraitis I personally am of the belief the fears are beyond a binary but yes. I mostly agree. On that bit about the distrust of white people many MANY non-white people have and harbour, it is without doubt that generational trauma is a huge factor. I struggled with it for a long time (mainly from adolescence to my mid-thirties) and where I’m at with it now is burnt out from all the energy expended on distrusting an entire demographic that were pretty much ordered to keep causing trauma.
DavidPetraitis
@theauracle It seems to me there are two different fears that give rise to the "Kill all *"
One is the fear born of trauma, and the other is the fear inculcated of the "Other" by socialization. The fear of black people and queers is mostly of the latter type, while some women have a fear of men born of trauma.
I would suspect some black people have a fear of whites born of trauma as well, as would LGBTQ people. Just thinking along with you here as I have puzzled about this for a while.
Bæ Grylls
@DavidPetraitis I’m from the UK so I can vouch for what you’re saying there about white people being racist everywhere. The one thing that I’ve never really taken the time to make sense of until maybe a few years ago was how once a white person is observed and consequently harangued (understandably, I might add), that’s pretty much it. There’s no real chance of rehabilitation and the punitive measures taken don’t bring about anything resembling justice to me.
That has to change.
DavidPetraitis
@theauracle Yeah, it is a spectrum not a binary. And I did think of the generational trauma as I was typing but ran out of room. I know form my white straight upbringing that I have inherent racism and sexism as kinda default settings in my mind-body. I have to work to overcome them all the time. It is personal work and tiring as you say. I have gay and trans kids and friends who have helped educate me. Thing is I lived for a LONG time outside the US, whites are racist everywhere I've been
Bæ Grylls
@DavidPetraitis It would be wonderful if nonviolent praxis was the antidote to a system that insists on it but it’s not a silver bullet like most make it seem, I agree there. Where I am at with it these days is solely focused on the community level. We can do something about the abject lack of compassion in our communities. We can do something about the utter absence of genuine rehabilitative public services. Even if it never grows beyond a local level, it’s still worth doing.
DavidPetraitis
@theauracle I don't know the path to justice anymore. I used to think nonviolent revolution or at least progressivism would lead us along the path. No more can I entertain that fantasy. I believe as we watch our social fabric rend, violent extreme acts will increase. Sadly.
Bæ Grylls
@ghighi Sounds like it’s worth the read for research purposes at the very least. Is there a decent English translation available?
jean-ti Geore
@theauracle hi ! Lately I've read Kurt's book Hass: von der Geschichte eines widerständigen Gefühls, and it touched on "hate of all men" in a manner I found interesting. Maybe it'd interest you too. Have a good day
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