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   Elisabeth Anderson :bt: (velobetty@toot.bike)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:03:55 JST Elisabeth Anderson :bt:

   The Algorithm gives me lots of fungi stuff which I love although lots of people are out picking fungi which can be pretty damaging to ecosystems if done without care. One guy was saying they're a "feast for the eye" then picking them to show them. I mentioned that it's maybe best to leave them in the ground and enjoy them there so others can too; if you don't need them...

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     13 barn owls in a trenchcoat (hauntedowlbear@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:03:50 JST 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

     in reply to

     @velobetty Online communication definitely seems to bring out that sense a lot of people experience where:

     • someone makes a valid, generally applicable, and usually mild criticism of a behaviour
     • a reader recognises this behaviour in themselves and feels wounded†
     • upset, they rush into defensive mode
     • the usual online shitshow ensues

     I've totally done this, but generally do that thing where you examine yourself from the position of a respected outside observer, and it certainly helps.

     † Until recently, Small Owlbear used to say "you insulted me" when someone did this - we had a talk about meanings, and they now say "that hurt my feelings", but I think that actually shows how a lot of people do read that kind of situation

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     Elisabeth Anderson :bt: (velobetty@toot.bike)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:03:51 JST Elisabeth Anderson :bt:

     in reply to

     We've created a network which connects us up all around the world from such interesting places and with people with interesting lives, desires, fears, and experiences. It would have been so cool instead to hear about this person's life and what they enjoy and what they love to do. Where they live. What sort of house. What they like to eat for breakfast on a weekend.

     But instead it's a short argument and then gone.

     It seems a shame to me. Maybe things will change.

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     Elisabeth Anderson :bt: (velobetty@toot.bike)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:03:53 JST Elisabeth Anderson :bt:

     in reply to

     But then somebody commented on my comment calling me "holier than thou" and then a bunch of weird "psychodramas" about picking 1 mushroom and "DESTROYING THE WORLD".

     It made me think though. I was asking people to just take some care and this person obviously was aggravated by that...

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     13 barn owls in a trenchcoat (hauntedowlbear@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:16:24 JST 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

     in reply to

     @velobetty Oh, I meant that I try to think my responses through when I feel criticised.

     I am still, um, alarmingly blunt when I make criticisms, unfortunately,

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     Elisabeth Anderson :bt: (velobetty@toot.bike)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:16:25 JST Elisabeth Anderson :bt:

     in reply to

     • 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

     @HauntedOwlbear Yeah, I thought about how I'd said it and the OP had said "they're a fest for the eyes" and I'd replied, in part, that they're not a feast for the eyes if they're picked which could have been snarky. I do try to be decent when I speak to people but I can be snarky.

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     13 barn owls in a trenchcoat (hauntedowlbear@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:27:39 JST 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

     in reply to

     @velobetty Yeah, it's pretty understandable given how much the present social order feels like it's attacking more or less everyone.

     (I nonetheless remain amazed at billionaires who revert to the "criticism = insult" mode that I recently saw a 7-year-old grow out of, mind.)

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     Elisabeth Anderson :bt: (velobetty@toot.bike)'s status on Friday, 10-Nov-2023 19:27:40 JST Elisabeth Anderson :bt:

     in reply to

     • 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

     @HauntedOwlbear It's easily done. I used to think it was a factor of the systems we're using to communicate but so much IRL people kick off at nothing at the moment.

     I honestly think we're all traumatised at the moment.